Music Heals the Soul? I Say Music WITH a Side of Dancing Heals the Soul!

It's been nearly two years since the Hubby and I enjoyed a night out on the town. Not that we don't like going out and dancing...we LOVE to! We just seldom make time for ourselves to do the fun stuff! We were kidless and Hubby the day off Friday so Thursday night we ventured out with family and friends and danced the night away!

As we drove to Tulsa I started thinking about exactly WHY it had been so long since we had been dancing since we love it so much. I decided the last two years have just been busy and challenging! Here's a little breakdown: for 11 months we were entrenched in a custody battle (that thankfully we put to rest in May 2010), we sold a house, remodeled and moved into another house, lost a beloved grandfather, lost a beloved family dog, we spent all of summer 2010 at the lake (our best summer yet), the kids switched schools (for the best), kids school & sports, I walked away from working in public education to begin a new career in new home sales, writing & marketing and we spent two months preparing, go through (11 days in Vegas) IVF to try to have a baby which ended in a miscarriage. So I would say I understand WHY it's been so long since we took time to enjoy ourselves by spending the night out on the town.

We danced our hearts out for nearly 4 hours. Singing, laughing and mostly- DANCING! As we were enjoying the evening I looked my hubby in the eyes and I was overwhelmed by the fact that after everything we had been through...we are still as happy as the first day we fell in love! He still gives me chills when he touches, makes me laugh and sweeps me off my feet when we dance! I am truly blessed!

Even though a part of me remains in recovery mode I can say that for the first time since November I felt healed! By the music and especially by the dancing...my soul was calmed and I felt NORMAL again! Thank you Lord for giving us music and giving couples like Hubby and I dancing...so when we are climbing our way out of the valley we can do so while dancing  and singing!

I AM DEDICATING THIS POST TO MARY KATHRYN RIDENOUR...LIFELONG SPERRY/SKIATOOK RESIDENT, MOM, GRANDMOTHER, GREAT-GRANDMOTHER, SISTER, COUSIN, AUNT, FRIEND AND LOVING CHRISTIAN WOMAN WHO WENT TO BE WITH HER LORD JANUARY 1, 2010. SHE WILL BE MISSED BY MANY. HER GRANDDAUGHTER SHARED WITH ME YESTERDAY THAT SHE ENJOYED READING MY IVF BLOG POSTS AND WOULD ALWAYS VISIT WITH HER ABOUT IT. SHE LOVED SINGING AND I HAVE MANY FOND MEMORIES OF HER IN THE CHURCH CHOIR. KATHRYN WAS SUCH AN ENCOURAGEMENT AND INSPIRATION TO ME WHEN I WAS STRUGGLING!  I WAS BLESSED TO KNOW HER!

Is there an IVF Value Menu?!?!

I was texting back and forth with a fellow IVFer the other day and we were discussing the different protocols for IVF. She seemed a bit frustrated about her protocol and jokingly stated that she wished there was a menu to pick from for IVF. We are both Micro IVFers and with that comment I began thinking to myself how I wish there was a Value Menu for IVF. A little of this, a bit more of that and all with the full blown IVF results. Fairytaleitis right? I mean when you are a SELF PAY IVF patient...the cost is VERY real! Why can't there be a Dollar Menu at least for the meds?

Seriously though, it is amazing the wide array of protocols for infertile women undergoing IVF. The different Stimulation meds, steroids, shots, pills are very overwhelming. Not only are there different types of meds but there is a huge different in the dosage amounts ranging from large to small doses. I am fortunate to be "good responder" and small doses work just swell for me! Since I did Micro I was on the Micro dose of Gonal F for my stims. My HCG Trigger Shot was pretty painful in the arm but obviously it did its job producing 15 eggs.

The Sher Institute has their protocols down to an art and they know what you need. Hence the extensive blood work you must undergo before starting your cycle. I love that they keep you on meds following your Egg Retrieval. Progesterone in Oil shots in the hip are torturous and the vaginal suppositories also no fun but each of these help with egg implantation and that's what we want in the end! So Bring It On!

Although our next cycle is 7 months away I am already looking forward to getting down to business with the shots and meds and making this baby! I always like to hear about others' protocols if you feel like sharing feel free to comment below or email me at ashleybwrites@gmail.com. Or if you just want to vent about how sick you are of your meds and shots- I am always an open ear and heart to my fellow IVF Heroes.

Keeping The Faith, Not Giving Up Hope & Staying Thankful

Today was my second beta blood test and the results were not as I had hoped. My number dropped from a 16 to an 11. This means my pregnancy was a "chemical pregnancy" and I will soon miscarry our two embabies. I had felt something was not right with pregnancy mainly because I have been pregnant before and if I was indeed 20 days along- I would certainly know it. I had taken a pregnancy test the night before and it was negative again. After doing my research I learned that if your HCG is above 20 it will show on HPT so I felt like I was prepared for the number not to have risen. I was very calm this morning and even though I cried the entire way I had a peace about it.

Yes, I feel like breaking down, staying in bed for days and crying a river. Well maybe I have cried a river and I did stay in bed for most of the day today- until my sister rode in on her white horse and gave me some comfort- sometimes just sitting with someone in their grief is all you can do and I am thankful she left work early and barged into my house and did just that. I know I insist that I like being alone when I am sad, mad or down but really we all need somebody. Being alone is not always the answer and it helped to cry to her and talk about it and get my feelings off my chest. I am truly heartbroken, sad, disappointed and struggling with my self confidence right now but I am not giving up hope. I am not letting go of the dream to have a child with the man I love more than words. I know God brought him into my life for a reason and everyday with him I consider a gift from God. I believe God has a plan for us and I know having children is part of this plan just not at this time...in God's time I know it will happen.

I am trying to stay focused on the positive things from this experience. Here are just a few things that are keeping me going right now:

* I know now what to expect from IVF and I know what questions to ask and things to say and do and when to say and do them. The anxiety and uncertainty of the process has faded away and I am totally prepared to do it again!
* We know we are still good candidates for Micro IVF because our testing was all perfect and having a positive pregnancy at all is a good sign for future IVFs.
* We are NOT giving up hope- we are planning to do another IVF as soon as we have saved enough money to do it- we will be going in for round 2- in Dallas at the Sher Institute- we will hopefully do it this summer and the kiddos can come along and we can make a vaca of it!
* I walk with the Lord and I am confident in His plan for my life and my family. I know he will not forsake us and even though this didn't work as we had planned- He has bigger plans for us and when it's His time we will have what we so desperately want the most.
* Times like this make me thankful for the hard, sad, hurtful, sorrowful times from my past- because of that- my armor is strong and I even though I am sad, disappointment and my heart hurts I am not broken. I will move on a wiser person with a new story of courage to tell and hopefully help others.
* I am so thankful for the people I have met- through my blog, online discussion boards or the Sher Institute that are fellow IVFers- women made of steel! What a blessing those friendships have been and hopefully will continue to be for many years! Also the women who I am friends with or even related to that I had not known struggled with infertility until I shared my journey and they reached out to me and shared theirs. What an amazing blessing those women have been. They have touched me in so many ways. I am thankful for them- there are just not words here.
* I have an awesome hubby and for reasons I will never fully understand he knowingly married an infertile woman and he loves me even through this struggle. He is amazing. We have certainly grown closer in a different way and I admire his willingness to give me my 12048508347 shots and never complain and always be a comfort.
* I have two beautiful healthy children who keep me going and who love me even at my darkest saddest hours. They are a joy and a blessing to me each and everyday of my life. I am proud to be their momma!

I am not questioning and asking why. I am not mad and I am not bitter. I am not even going to think one second about the cost and months of saving we incurred. I am going to be still and have faith in God's plan. I am going to praise Him for allowing us to go through this even if the ending was sad. I am thankful for the struggle, the sorrow, the pain, the tears, the sacrifice...all of that has to make me a better person, friend, wife and mom. As a Christian it would be a shame for it NOT to.

At the end of the day this scripture keeps me going as it has many many times before:
""We rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4

Bless you all and bless all you IVF women out there...you are my heroes!

6 Day Egg Transfer

Okay so today we were thrown a curve ball. We were all set to transfer our eggs today and nurse called this morning and said we will "probably" be doing a 6 day transfer because 4 of our top embryos have not fully reached blastocyst (the best growth rate for egg implantation) stage yet but they are at pre-blast stage which is good. Then she added IF none make it to blast they will cancel the cycle- WHAT?

Let me vent: many many many women have 4-6-8-10 cell embryos (not even blastocyst yet) transferred on either day 3 or day 5 and get pregnant! I understand my RE wants to give us the best shot at getting pregnant but canceling a cycle all together when we have 4 good embryos- um no. If we get the call in the morning that none are blasts yet I will insist they transfer our "top two" embryos. We have sacrificed financially, emotionally- been away from kiddos 11 days- I will not walk away with nothing...it's just not an option for me :)

Okay now thinking positive- I am hoping we will have those precious 4 (the perfect number that I wanted and prayed for) and we will transfer 2 and freeze 2 in case we need them in the future.

SO I am asking everyone to please please pray our embie babies are growing and make it to that perfect blastocyst stage by tomorrow morning!

One a good note- we will be transferring on our 3 year anniversary! How romantic right?

73 Shots Later Equals New Found Heroes

I try my hardest to be upbeat and positive no matter what the situation. I admit I have my downfalls when I just want to complain and whine about everything. But mostly I keep that attitude in check and pray through whatever it is that is causing me to have the whine syndrome. That being said, I need to whine and complain a little bit- just to get it off my chest!

First of all, I want to say that all you IVF and IUI moms and women out there are now my new found heroes. I have talked to many women who have been through 1, 2, 3 or more IVF cycles. I do not know how you do it. This is HARD STUFF there is nothing easy about the shots, the hormones, the emotions, the retrieval, the bloating, the discomfort, the waiting, the waiting, the transfer....and the waiting. I think if I did not have my hubby, family, friends and God I would probably cry everyday. Luckily I have only cried a handful of times but I do have to admit I get misty eyed more often these days due to the hormone injections and high emotions.

I counted today and so far I have received 73 shots either in the tummy, thigh, arm or hip. Hands down the Progesterone in Oil shots that I started the night of the retrieval are the most painful horrible awful shots EVER! My Hubby deserves the medal of honor for being such a trooper about the shot giving and always being positive when I feel like I just can't take another shot! The PIO shot is supposed to help my uterine lining thicken because IVF shots can thin it out. This will prevent miscarriage so I am doing them and I am going to do it with a thankful heart! This shot continues until I am 8 weeks pregnant...Lord give me strength! Right now both my hips are so sore I cannot even sit down without cringing. (see pic of my hubby getting ready to give me a shot)

Also this bloating and discomfort is for the birds! My ovaries are so swollen you can actually see them protruding from my stomach. At first I was scared maybe I had Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome but I am still peeing, pooping okay and I am not retaining water so I think it is just because I had 24 Follices and they are now filled with fluid which takes 7-10 days to leave your system. Wow! I look huge! How do women work before, during or after IVF? I cannot imagine! You cannot even wear your clothes. Prior to the retrieval I looked about 3 months pregnant and now I look about 5 months. I told Hubby its a good preview at what I might look like in the months to come! ;) I have to pee every 5 minutes and it hurts like I am going to burst every time! The burping and passing gas is out of control- my poor Hubby and in laws- I am so glad they love me and don't mind my issues!

I did the Micro shots of stimulation meds (although with my amount of eggs you wouldn't think so) so my hormones and emotions were not too bad but I could certainly tell my patience wearing thin with my kiddos. I really did feel bad for them...it's like one day your mom is one person and the next day she wakes up and she's Roseanne Barr on crack! I am certain this time apart they have found a new love and respect for me regardless of how I was acting when I left. So I am at peace about that behavior however rash and uncalled for. I was totally open and honest with them about the shots and how they made me feel so maybe they took it with a grain a salt. I can only hope. For all you IVFers and infertility warriors who did the full blown stem shots and meds- you rock and you amaze me!

After all the yucky symptoms, side effect, aches, pains and shots I have to say I am still so very thankful for the experience and to have 11 healthy embryos growing! Yes we got our FERT report today and 11 of the 13 have made it to the next stage of growth. The nurse said 5 are growing on track and are almost ready now. We are planning our Egg Transfer on Tuesday November 16th. The day after my birthday and before our 3 year anniversary. We are so blessed and we know it! I cannot wait to be home and pregnant (hopefully with twin Bryant Babies).

We are still having a good time in Vegas with my in laws! I hate to see them go tomorrow. (see pic of my hubby and I at Hard Rock Cafe today). We've taken in lots of sights and yummy food!

Farewell to my dear bobbing ponytail!

Tonight is the start of my BIG STIM MEDS! Gonal-F...the meds that will kick my Follices into overdrive and make my eggs grow grow grow!

I got an email from my Dr.'s nurse today just going over a few last minute details with me about starting the Gonal-F. I was so and I mean so disappointed and bummed out when she said that I "could not exercise vigorously, meaning nothing that makes your ponytail bob". Since my Ovaries will be growing they want me to take it easy (hello I am a mom take it easy is not in my vocabulary). I knew that the day after Egg Retrieval and Egg Transfer I would have to have some down time- but I figured I would probably FEEL like being down! I was not ready to start this "down time" before I even got to Vegas! I went out of my way to book a hotel that has a full workout facility so I could run while I was in Vegas. I guess maybe I can slowly walk on the treadmill instead of run...even though I loathe walking for exercise!

So this a farewell blog to my bobbing ponytail who has seen more action in the last two months than it had in the last two years! It's been fun BP but its time for a break so I can make some Bryant Baby Eggs! But I will be seeing you hopefully again in 3 weeks or so!

As a bid goodbye today to my running bobbing ponytail...I got in one last run- I ran the entire 3 miles without stopping! I felt like a rock star! I wonder how long it will be before I can do that again? I am keeping positive thoughts at the forefront...and bidding goodbye to my lovely BP for a month at most! Hey- pregnant women can run too ya know!


I had to take a picture of my ponytail when I got back from my run...isn't it lovely? I will you miss you BP!

Horrific CRAMPS with a side of HOT FLASHES

Okay all you guys- close your eyes if you don't like hearing about the ugly truths pertaining to Menstrual Cycles!

So my RE put me on birth control in September to control my cycles and time it perfect for my IVF. I skipped my period that should have came the first week of October because they have you stay on the active pills until they are ready for Aunt Flow to come visit. Well my last BCP was Tuesday evening. On my IVF calendar it said to expect my period on Thursday or Friday so I was thrilled when it came right on time Thursday evening. No big deal just some spotting, then medium flow Friday, some cramping started Friday evening but at 4 this morning OH MY DEAR AUNT MOLLY the cramping was UNREAL! Seriously I thought I was going to throw up the pain was so intense!

I woke my hubby at 4 am and he made me a make shift heat pad by heating up a hand towel and putting it in plastic bag. We repeated this process every 15 minutes until he left for work at 6 am. I finally went to sleep at 6:30 and was relieved beyond all relief when I woke up at 9:00 am pain free!

WOWZER! I cannot get over how intense the cramping was. I thought I was probably passing blood clots but they have yet to be found. I have no idea what the pain was all about but a little warning or notice would have been nice so I could have at least invested in some Pamprin or Midol beforehand.

To make matters worse- I wanted to stay warm because the cold only make the cramping worse and I was having HOT FLASHES at the same time so I just stayed covered up sweating my life away. I hope this was the worst of Aunt Flow and I also hope this is the last of her I have to see for another 10 months!

I keep reminding myself this will all pay off in the end and how blessed I am to be able to afford and go through this process! I am sure God thought I was dying this morning when He heard the prayers coming from me! ;) Thanks for giving me relief...not sure I could handle that kind of pain all day long!

One Week In

Here I am...one week in...on fertility meds. Quite honestly I am surprised I have not transformed into a mad woman but there have certainly been side effects I am not fond of. I have also stopped using the birth control pill as of Tuesday (which did cause some major mood swings) and Aunt Flow has come to visit me. She hasn't been to town since August because of the BCP so it's not been a fun last few days. I am ready for her to leave! Thanks!

So let's talk meds and side effects.

Dexamethasone: my daily steroid I take in the morning. Bloating, cravings and sleeplessness are the main side effects. I have had a little all of three but nothing major. I have had two sleepless nights. I think my cravings might be caused mainly by Aunt Flow. But I am determined to continue my weight loss so I am keeping all that eating under control!

Lupron: my morning injection of hormones. YES I do get hot flashes and I feel dry and thirsty pretty much 24/7. At church last Sunday I was in hot flash city, thankfully the Bulletin program came in handy and was my fan all during church and lunch. A friend of mine and her mom were actually chuckling at me during lunch because they knew what I was going through. I am doing my best not to become a sweat ball so this nice cool Fall weather is very welcomed at my house! I have been increasingly tired and I feel like by 5:00 I have HIT THE WALL for the day and the couch is calling my name! But usually my workout curves most of this.

I still cannot give myself my shots but Hubby has been a TOTAL TROOPER and gives me my shot every morning before he goes to work. We've gotten over any little bumps and he is confident and a shot giving pro now! I am super thankful and proud of him! I love him dearly!

Amidst the hormones, hot sweats & tiredness my son broke his arm Tuesday at school. I was very proud that I did not have an emotional break down. But I have to admit after 4 hours at the hospital going through xrays and waiting to get a cast, that doctors office was getting smaller and smaller and the bickering back and forth between my two children was quickly wearing thin on my patience. Thankfully their dad showed up the last half hour for the casting and the kids starting behaving better. Whew! Never thought I'd be glad to see my ex husband but that day...I WAS! Dax chose a PINK cast for Breast Cancer Awareness...that made me super proud! I have awesome kids!

I got up at 5:30 this morning and drove to Owasso to get my E2 Level blood work done. I was back by 6:45 and the kids got home from their overnight visit with their dad at 7:00. So I am patiently waiting the results of that STAT lab work and hoping for good numbers. I am not sure what it means if the numbers are not good and I hope I don't have to find out. But things seem to be rocking along quite normally and for that I am entirely grateful. My prayers have daily been focused on asking for God's will in this entire situation. It really calms me knowing He is in control and His will be done in this no matter what the outcome.

The BIRDS and the BEES

My kids are at "that age" where you don't really want to have the birds and bees talk but they are smart enough and inquisitive enough to want to know the details of IVF...so I am stuck explaining to them in the most scientific of terms about the "sperm" meeting the "egg" in the petri dish and so forth. I suppose this is less uncomfortable than the "other version" of the birds and the bees. A questions has arose from my children, as from many other people, "what if you put in two eggs?" my response is always "then we might have twins".

I was at the school PTO "Thrills and Chills" party last night and one of my daughter's friends comes up to me and says "You might be having twins if they put in two eggs when you go to Vegas to have a baby". I had to laugh! This was so verbatim from Mady's mouth I am certain of it. The little girl was so innocent, sweet and matter of fact in the way she said it that I could think of no other reply than "you are right- I might!".

This really got me thinking that my 3rd grader was inadvertently giving our "IVF Birds and Bees" talk to her friends at school. I am not sure how some parents might feel about this and I am hoping that not all her friends think this is the only way of conception. Or that a trip to Vegas constitutes getting pregnant with twins! I can only imagine the phone calls I might receive from some inquisitive parents who do not already know about my IVF Journey and whose child comes home telling them I might been having twins if we put in two eggs when we go to Vegas!

Oh the joys of motherhood and the innocence of childhood!

My last days of "Normalcy"

I am closing in on the beginning of my fertility meds...I am looking at this week as my last week as a "normal" person (which could be debatable by some lol). I have to admit that the Hubby and I went out to eat Saturday and I enjoyed a frozen margarita because I knew it might be last for a loooong while! I have lost 11 pounds and I am still hoping to lose 10 more before I leave in 21 days. This week will be quite busy- Monday is the Fall Party at the kids' school and I have, of course, volunteered to decorate, read stories and clean up so my entire day will be packed. Tuesday I plan to get ready for a garage sale we are having at my sisters house Thursday and Friday, Wednesday I am working at the church and Thursday and Friday I am working the garage sale. So this week of having normal hormone levels will fly by, which is good thing since the Hubby will be gone again this week (thankfully his last week to work out of town).

I plan to enjoy my time with the kiddos as much as I can...I am already dreading leaving them for 11 days but I know they will be fine with their dad and having a baby is what we ALL want so we are all okay with it! I have forewarned them about the medications (see the picture- my son's reaction to the large amounts of meds is priceless) and they have promised to help me all they can and be on their best behavior throughout this process. I have such amazing kids they really are THE BEST just like My Hubby! I love love love them!

Friday I start Lupron, which is the hormone they give to women who are going into menopause. I also start a steroid called dexamethasone. I think my diet and exercise will help curve the negative side effects of both of these medications. I am a little apprehensive because my Hubby will be out of town working Friday so I will be giving myself my FIRST Lupron injection in the tummy! I am trying to get my mind right all week so I don't chicken out and have to ask for help! This is our journey and I really do not want to impose on family or friends especially while packing a syringe! SO please be praying for me Friday morning as I give myself this shot...I plan to put on my big girl panties and JUST DO IT!!!!

Cycle Buddies

In the world of IVF there is a certain lingo and online community that exists among fellow IVFers one of my favorites is Cycle Buddies!

Sure there are women I know who are getting pregnant or having babies left and right- like it's easy! Come on- I know I have been one of those women before but that is a certain past time. I feel connected more so to women who are like me- dealing with infertility, trying to conceive and going to great financial and time constraints to do so.

That is why I am so thankful for Cycle Buddies! These women are going through IVF at the same time as me and some of them have already been this road several times before and have a lot of wisdom to share. I have found tons of support, information and encouragement from these women and I am so thankful for modern technology that has allowed me to connect with them and share our journeys.

IVF can be a lonely journey because let's face itnot very many people from my neck of the woods are flying to Vegas to try to have a baby! I am a total loner in that department. The more I share my journey the more I found out that people are oblivious as to how IVF even works. I will have to write a blog soon on all the silly questions I've been asked. Oh the laughs you will have!

But for now, in this moment, I am entirely 150% thankful for online discussions boards and communities so I can share my story, listen to everyone elses stories and swap wisdoms and strengths! It has been a blessings and I wish all my Cycle Buddies many baby blessings to come!

Nobel Peace Prize for Inventor of IVF

This is copied from Dr. Sher's Blog:

"Robert Edwards and Patrick Steptoe introduced human in vitro fertilization with the birth of the world’s first IVF baby, Louise Brown in 1978. In the ensuing 3+ decades an estimated 4 million IVF births have brought tremendous joy to their blessed parent and hope to millions of other infertile individuals and couples.

The granting of a Nobel Prize to the remaining survivor of the Steptoe-Edwards team, although having come late, is nevertheless highly laudable. I can tell you from personal experience that Patrick Steptoe never believed that he and his partner, Robert Edwards, would ever be recognized by the medical fraternity for the pioneering work they had done.

My mind goes back to an evening in the latter part of the 80’s when my wife, Charlene and I had dinner with Patrick Steptoe at the Carnelian Room ( a beautiful restaurant atop the Bank of America building in San Franciso) on the very last day he spent in the United States. Dr Steptoe had been attending an American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) congress in the Bay Area. Towards the end of the evening, he broke the news to us that he had advanced prostate cancer and that he would probably never see us again. He went on to express disappointment at what he called the stifling bureaucracy and the political infighting inherent in our field, which had denied him and Dr. Robert Edwards due recognition for their work. He was convinced that they were destined to be overlooked for a long time. I remember telling him that this would not prevail and that ultimately and inevitably he and Dr. Edwards would be recognized for their pioneering work in the IVF field. He insisted that this would not be during either of their lifetimes. We drove him back to his hotel and watched sadly as he waved good bye from the wheelchair in which he was being transported from our car, back into the hotel.

The reason for this story is to highlight the significance of the great honor that has finally been bestowed on the remaining member of the team, Robert Edwards, now 85 years of age and in poor health. It is certainly well deserved, but indeed, long overdue. I can imagine Dr. Steptoe looking down and smiling on this.

What can I add about Robert Edwards that has not already been said? He is a brilliant and honest scientist without whom the advent of human IVF might well have been set back by a few decades. Dr. Edwards can be regarded as the elder statesman of the field. His innovations, guidance and wisdom are legendary. Every time he delivers a keynote address at a medical conference you can hear a pin drop. There is always something new that he has to offer, suggest and contribute. Above all, Robert Edwards is a gentleman and a mentor to many. I recall visiting him at his home in England some time back and discussing some of my own ideas with him. You could just feel that you were in the presence of greatness. And his advice which was always direct and relevant, was invariably delivered gently and in good taste. To this day, I am always uplifted by his presence and his wisdom.

I find it tragic that after more than 30 years and all the IVF babies that now grace our world, there should still be a quarrel between the Roman Catholic church and our discipline. Surely the time has come to start rethinking the premise upon which the prejudice was based and to bury the hatchet. If intent to do good is a hallmark of piety then both Drs. Steptoe and Edwards will receive the ultimate reward. After all, there are at least 4 million humans that have resulted from IVF, many of whom are of the Catholic persuasion, and all of whom are no less precious than any other of God’s creations."

Thank to those men for inventing IVF so that my husband and I have a chance at having a baby of our own!!!

Fertile Thoughts

I am ecstatic to announce to my fellow readers that I have lost 6 pounds since starting my IVF Diet 10 days ago! Weight loss is so funny- it is always so easy to gain the weight and always ever so hard to lose. This time around, compared to when I lost 80 pounds after having my daughter, it is much harder and easier at the same time. Even though I was just 22 when I lost it with her and the weight just fell off I was losing it for different reasons that I am now. I was still able to eat what I wanted as long I ran and worked out on a daily. Let's face it I am almost 31 now and losing weight is hard! It's not about diet and exercise as much as it is about lifestyle and setting goals!

This time around I am 100% focused on my goal- which is to be the healthiest I can possibly be before we do IVF to increase our chances of success! It's not just about weight loss it's about living healthy. I have changed my way of thinking about food, exercise and taking care of myself. I have changed my eating habits, sleeping habits, thinking habits and increased my exercise level. I am committed to only drinking water, cutting out meat, junk food of any kind and thinking organic all the way! From Shampoo to Food it is all natural! It is very hard to fix one thing for my family for dinner and watch them eat it while eat a protein packed salad! BUT as long as I keep it yummy I know I will be fine with it!

I am amazed at the results. For the first week I felt like I was literally going to starve to death but after the first week my body has adjusted to smaller portions, healthier food and a new way of living! We have 35 days until I leave for Vegas and I plan to lose 10 more pounds...at this rate I am thinking it will be more! I truly have never felt better! I am keeping focused on my goal with fertile thoughts at the forefront!

Not Looking Back

IVF patients or couples battling infertility stand in a ring of their own. Often times, this can be a lonely ring. Especially when people all around you are getting pregnant and having babies like crazy! I can relate somewhat to those woman/couples because I have been that person getting pregnant so easily- I got pregnant 3 times in 2 years from age 19-21. But now that I have to do IVF to have a baby I just feel like I DO NOT fit in with those people anymore!

When I was young it was so easy for me to get pregnant. Each time was not planned and I had no clue what a miracle it was until I had each one of my children. I was so blessed to be fertile and did not even realize it at the time. Young and dumb I suppose. I used to live in regret and the "If I could just go back and change things" syndrome. But I have totally moved on from those thoughts and stand in peace with everything. I am where I am supposed to be, with who I am meant to be with and going through the journey chosen for me.

I truly believe we all go through certain struggles or triumphs in our life for a purpose. A lot of times that purpose is so that we can share our story and maybe just maybe help someone else who might be going through the same thing. I felt this way when I survived a domestic violence and I feel the same now with my IVF Journey. I totally feel called to reach out to other women who are going through the same thing. I know there are so many women out there who were in abusive marriages and for that reason chose to have a tubal ligation. Now years down the road, after escaping domestic violence, a lot of women, find good men (like I did) and want to have children with the man they love.

Many times it feels hopeless. Not many people can afford IVF or a Tubal Reversal and the journey is tedious and can take a toll on your health- mentally and physically. But the dream of having a baby with someone you love and bringing a child into a healthy loving marriage is always at the forefront of your mind. My advice is to NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! Always always stay focused on your dreams and set goals to reach your dream! Never once did I say to myself "this is impossible, this will never happen, or I give up!". If we have to do a second round of IVF- we will do what must be done and keep moving forward...never looking back!

So for all you women out there who are dealing with infertility whether it be because of a Tubal Ligation or some other issues I just have to say to you "DO NOT GIVE UP". Pray, stay faithful and always always keep a positive attitude about your situation. If it God's will He will provide a way for your hopes, dreams and wishes.

Obedience and Trust

I love Sundays! They are my favorite days of the week! Not only because this is the one day a week when we have nothing going on and can just spend time as a family but also because I get my spiritual tank filled! The sermon today was on key for me! It was about Obedience and Trust. These are defiantly two things I know I struggle with. I like to take things back that I give to God and I constantly struggle in trusting Him and being Obedient inHis will and my walk as a Christian. It's just the way of the world I suppose. But I am thankful that I have my church there to remind me what this world is all about and set me straight.

Throughout our IVF journey I find myself struggling with trust and obedience. One day I am confident and secure in trusting in God's will either way this thing goes and the next day I am worried and a mess about "WHAT IFS??"...."What if no eggs fertilize?", "What if I get sick and we can't do the transfer or retrieval", "What if the eggs don't grow", "What if they implant but the eggs don't stick?", "What if they stick but I have a miscarriage"....and my FAVORITE "What if my plane or hubby's plane crashes to or from Vegas?".

I mean really, how many WHAT IFS can one person come up with? And believe me- that was the SHORT LIST!

Thankfully, I am always reminded to trust and be obedient and stop the MADNESS! God is in control here, not me, not my hubby and not the doctors (not 100% anyway). This is God's deal and I am just thankful that the hubby and I are finally in the financial position to do this thing and embark on this journey that we have been anticipating and hoping for, for nearly 3 years.

I end my day humbled once again, full of hope, peace, promise, prayers and focused on trusting and being obedient and knowing if it is God's will for the hubby and I to have a baby then it will be...

To all my prayer warrior peeps out there- I know there are many- please start today- saying a little prayer for us throughout this process. God is in control and I will do my best absolute to stop the What Ifs and walk in His will and His promise EVERYDAY!

Love love to you all!

A LOT To Take In (Not for the faint at heart or weak at stomach)

I am going to be brutally honest and just say that yesterday when my nurse emailed me with my list of meds and then the pharmacy called to confirm my list of meds- I got a little dizzy and nearly had a panic attack! Just look at the names of these things? When the pharmacy called I was jotting down notes in Microsoft Word thinking the spell check would correct them and I misspelled over half of the meds! I got a little worried when the email came and this is what it said: (Keep in mind my hubby will be the one administering these shots!!!!!)

The Sher Institutes for Reproductive Medicine

Medication Administration Guidelines

________________________________________________________________

Tips:

• An ml = cc
• Needles are STERILE, do not touch them before using them to inject and only use them ONCE
• Rotate injection sites from one side of the abdomen to the other, and from one thigh to the other
• With a multi-dose medication vial, swab the top of the medication vial with an alcohol swab before each use
• When in doubt about medication dosage or injection, PLEASE call the office for clarification. DO NOT GUESS!
• There is a nurse on call through the service after office hours. Please call 702-892-9696 before 11pm and the service will promptly page the nurse on call
• Read all of the medication labels before taking the medication to ensure that you are taking the correct medication
• Report all medication errors and unusual reactions to your coordinator as soon as possible

Dexamethasone 0.75 mg Tablet or Prednisone 10 mg

• This is a steroid tablet
• This is given to decrease inflammation and reduce the inflammatory response of your body to foreign bodies (your embryo) before embryo transfer
• Take once a day in the morning with your breakfast to decrease GI upset and other potential side effects
• Potential side effects are insomnia, increase in appetite and bloating.

Lupron (Leuprolide Acetate)

• Lupron is taken to suppress your hormones at the pituitary level, it does NOT suppress your ovaries
• Injection to be given subcutaneous in either the upper thigh (up by panty line) or in the abdomen (stay 1 inch away from belly button) in the AM (between breakfast and lunch) with a few hour flexibility between days (See diagram on page 5)
• The medication comes in a multi-dose vial
• Use the insulin syringes with the orange cap to draw up dose and inject
• Refer to your calendar for dosage and measure units (U) on the syringe
• The most common side effect is hot flashes, this will be relieved by the start of your hormone medication (i.e., E2V or Gonal-F or Follistim
  

Ganirelix/Cetrotide

• To be taken like Lupron, subcutaneous in AM
• Also like Lupron, it is being taken to suppress your own hormones and has a better long term effect with fewer side effects
• Given at ½ dose (125 mcg) rather than prepackaged dose of 250 mcg (same as 0.25 mg)
• Ganirelix:
• To split Ganirelix (prefilled in a syringe) use a 1 cc syringe that does not have a needle and pull down plunger to 0.25 cc.
• Then inject 0.25cc from the prefilled Ganirelix syringe into the 1 cc syringe you have just prepared.
• Place a 27 gauge ½ inch needle on the 1 cc syringe to inject.
• Save the remaining 0.25 cc in prefilled syringe for next morning’s shot.
• Keep refrigerated.
• Cetrotide:
• To split Cetrotide fill the vial of powder with the prefilled water (1 cc) in kit.
• Now you will have 2 doses in vial.
• Use same orange cap syringe that you used for the Lupron and withdrawal 50 Units (½ cc) of Cetrotide for first morning’s injection.
• Save the remaining 50 Units (½ cc) in vial for next day’s injection.
• Keep refrigerated.
• Second dose may only measure up to 35 or 40 Units. This is normal, do not mix up another vial just inject whatever is left for the second dose.

E2V = Estradiol Valerate = Delestrogen

• Not all protocols involve E2V, so if this is not on your calendar then omit instructions.
• This is given to “prime” the receptors on the ovaries to improve response the following week to the stimulation medications.
• This is an IM (intramuscular) injection given in the PM (between dinner and bedtime) in the upper outer quadrant of the buttock (See diagram on page 5)
• Give while lying down to relax the muscle
• Verify that your Delestrogen concentration is 20 mg/ml
• Use a 1 cc syringe without a needle (NOT a Lupron syringe) and attach a 18 gauge 1 ½” needle to draw out the medication to 0.2 cc or the dosage in which you have been instructed to take. Switch needle to a 22 gauge 1 ½” to then inject intramuscularly.
  

E2V 2 mg suppositories

• Not all protocols use the Estradiol Valerate vaginal suppositories
• These are given to ensure that the uterus is being supplied with enough estrogen
• Insert vaginally at bedtime
• These may or may not be continued after CD9.
• Make sure you are inserting the E2V 2mg (Estradiol Valerate) suppositories NOT the suppositories used after embryo transfer which are Estradiol Valerate 1 mg/ Progesterone 50 mg suppositories (or E2V/ P4). If you use the latter in error your cycle will be immediately cancelled.
• Keep refrigerated

Folic Acid 1mg tablet

• Prescription strength folic acid dose (over-the-counter dose is only 400 mcg).
• These tablets are taken to prevent Spina Bifida-type problems in fetus.
• No side effects and can be taken anytime.
• You may opt to take a Prenatal Vitamin instead of straight Folic Acid, this is fine as long as it is prescription strength

SDF (Viagra) Suppositories

• Given to increase blood flow to endometrial lining
• Take vaginally 4 times daily
• No side effects, except possible vaginal irritation from so many suppositories.
• Place the suppositories over the course of a day (with the last at bedtime, unless you are taking E2V suppositories as well) and that it doesn’t have to be exactly a certain amount of hours apart.
• You may wish to wear a panty liner since not all of the wax absorbs and you may experience slight oozing.
• You should try to at least be sitting for 15 minutes after each insertion.
• Keep refrigerated

Terbutaline 5 mg Tablets

• Given to relax the uterine muscle which will allow more blood flow through the uterine vessels
• Starts with SDF suppositories.
• One tablet three times a day
• You will experience the side effects of nervousness, shakiness and a racing heart! If your heart rate is over 120 beats per minute, please skip a dose
• Your body will adjust to the Terbutaline in 2-5 days and you will no longer experience the side effects

Heparin 5,000 IU / Lovenox 30 mg

• Only use if indicated on your calendar
• Twice a day injections, to be given in the AM with Lupron/Cetrotide and in the PM with stimulation medications/hormone injections
• Subcutaneous injection given with a ½ cc or 1 cc insulin (Lupron) syringe
• Verify the concentration of your Heparin. If 10,000 units/ml then your dose twice a day is 5000 units or ½ ml (which is equivalent to 50 units on the insulin syringe).
• You may also use Lovenox 30 mg one a day subcutaneously anytime in the day in lieu of heparin.
• You may experience some bruising at injection site, do not rub vigorously

Gonal F / Follistim

• This is FSH (Follicle Stimulation Hormone) or stimulation medication
• This is given subcutaneously anytime in the evening anytime between dinner time and bed time
• Please refer to packet instructions for reconstitution as can come in multidose vial, single dose vial and Pen form
• Your coordinator will go over instructions with you or you may contact Fertility Lifelines (1-866-538-7879) for Gonal-F product support 24 hours a day
  

Luveris

• This is pure Luteinizing Hormone (LH)
• To be given as a separate injection in the PM with your stimulation medication
• This is given subcutaneously
• The dose is always 1/2 vial (37.5 IU) as indicated on your calendar
• Use the 3ml syringe with 22 gauge 1 ½” needle to draw up 1 cc of diluent
• Inject full 1 cc into vial of powder (this is now 2 doses)
• With same syringe/needle, withdrawal only ½ cc (0.5 ml) and refrigerate remaining ½ cc for next evening’s dose
• Change needle to the 27 gauge ½ “ to inject subcutaneously.

Progesterone in oil

• This medication will be given in one of two dosage amounts, 50 mg (1cc) or 100 mg (2cc). See your calendar for your dosage.
• This is an IM (intramuscular) injection given in the PM (between dinner and bedtime) in the upper outer quadrant of the buttock (See diagram on page 5)
• Give while lying down to relax the muscle.
• Use a 3 cc syringe with an attached 18 gauge 1 ½” needle (or 20 gauge) to draw out the medication to the dosage in which you have been instructed to take. Switch needle to a 22 gauge 1 ½” (or 25 gauge 1 ½” needle if your product is made in ethyl oleate oil) to then inject intramuscularly.

Final Comments

• On CD9 (cycle day 9 when monitoring in our office begins) you will be given a new calendar and instructions once we have determined how you are progressing
• There will be medications you have received that are not on your calendar at this point (i.e., Cipro, hCG 10,000 units, progesterone in oil, Clindamycin suppositories, E2V/ Progesterone suppositories). These will be used post CD9.
  

______________________________________________________________________

Injections sites

Intramuscular injection sites

Subcutaneous Injection Site (use upper thigh or lower abdomen)

I WILL DISCUSS HOW I FEEL ABOUT EACH OF THESE AND THE OUTRAGEOUS COST IN MY NEXT BLOG......I THINK I'VE SHARED ENOUGH FOR ONE BLOG POST :)

JUST A LITTLE THOUGHT: "HOW DOES ONE TRAVEL WITH A CARRY ON THAT COULD BE PASSED OVER FOR A DRUG LORD WITH SYRINGES AND ENOUGH FERTILITY MEDS TO KNOCK UP A SMALL ARMY?" JUST WONDERING!!!