Wednesday, September 23, 2009


So my 30th birthday is rapidly approaching and I have to admitted it is somewhat daunting. The grey hair is starting to appear, fine lines and wrinkles, its harder to lose weight and the growing pains I am experiencing are just NOT FUN! Even though many many people who are older than me say they wish they were 30 again- for me- I wish I was 20 again! My biological clock is ticking and my first born will be 10 in December- it all just seems so unreal! Time goes by way too fast.....I find myself wondering- where is the pause bottom? If there ever was a moment in time I would want to freeze- I would say NOW! I do not want to get older and turning 30 just feels like such a milestone- I am no longer 20 something- but I don't feel like a thirty-something either- where do I fit in? I guess it doesn't help that my husband is 4 years younger than me. I want to look, feel, act- his age- NOT MINE! He keeps telling me that it should make me feel GOOD that I have such a strapping handsome young man as himself- I know- those Bryants are confident beings- but REALLY it makes me feel WORSE! I feel like I need to try harder to be younger since he is younger- silly isn't?? I know he LOVES ME no matter my age, looks, hair, weight- our love goes deeper than all that- BUT grapsing that wholey and completely is just a little difficult for me- right now anyway.
I am sure like most things I will grow and move past all of this worry about growing older but for now it is at the forefront of my mind and I am dealing with it!
I am the happiness and most confident in myself and my relationship as I have ever been in my adult life- I am hoping that 30 does not change that- I want that to stay the same!
SOOOO MUCH has transpired from 20 to 30- I cannot imagine 30-40 topping those ten years! If anything- I am positive they will be the most peaceful, functional, productive, happy, wholesome of my entire life.
Let's see- when I was 20- I had just had Dax, I was a single mother to a preemie baby boy, only had three semesters of college under my belt, slept very little if at all- being the only caregiver to a baby with medical issues was hard work, worked as a waitress on the weekends and went to school at NSU during the week, had no social life, barely any friends (they were all busy living it up at college) and basically- life was a little lonely. I was completely and 100 percent focused and in love with DAX- he was my everything- center of my universe.
AND NOW- WOW! My life is full of friends, family, co-workers and people who I love, trust and enjoy spending time with! AND I have DAX and MADY and MY HUBBY- that share the center of my universe! I have finished college, gone from a miserable marriage to a happy one, survived an abusive marriage, been a single mother to TWO KIDS, worked in the public schools for 3 years, volunteer for any and everything at the school and for my kids and have been fortunate enough to enjoy many great vacations traveling to Denver, the Carribean and New York City.
My life is abundant with love, friendship and family- I am truly blessed.
So as I turn 30 I am hoping to add many more experiences, friendships and blessings to my life- maybe even another child- that would be awesome!!!!

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