MARCH 11, 2007 "HUMANITY"

ITS THE LOVE I SHARE WITH
MY KIDS THAT KEEPS ME SMILING!

Sunday, March 11, 2007
Humanity Current mood: hopeful
No matter how many times I have been let down, cheated on, lied to and just down right stomped on by people who claim or have claimed to love me- I will never give up the hope that humanity exists within the heart of each and every individual in this world. At times like this- it is so easy to give up hope on the good and let the bad rule your attitude- I refuse to do that! I refuse to let someone else's stupidity steal my joy! I refuse to dwell on the negative effects their choices will have on my children's lives. I refuse to be surprised that once again- a bad choice was made. I refuse to let someone who never deserved my love in the first

place effect my life with his mistakes. I refuse to let my children think the way that person is living is right.
I will continue to cling to the hope that even though some people in this world are clearly NOT capable of living their lives right, moral and in a positive way for their childen- somewhere deep down humanity exists and there is good in everyone- even those who hurt others and live destructive lifestyles!
With this said- I have to add that I am so glad for those people in my life that love me (my kids, Dustin Bryant, Dustin's family, my family, friends and coworkers) and who support me in everything I do! They make this dysfunctional life of mine seem more functional and they add humor, happiness, good times, and love to my life on a daily basis! So to you all- I owe you the world and I love you all dearly!!! You are all a perfect example of humanity at its best!! Bless you all!!!

I OVERCAME

Friday, March 02, 2007
I OVERCAME Current mood: thankful
"He who overcomes.... (REV 21:7)"- a verse from the Bible that gently rings through my ears each and every time that I step back from my life and see how wonderful, fulfilled, peaceful and full of love it is! After all the heartache, betrayal, abuse, lies, and let downs- look at the life I now have! It seems almost like a dream but then I remember- I overcame! I got through it- I made it out- I was broken and maybe a part of me always will be- but I am stronger now than I have ever been in my life. Looking back I finally understand that all the mistakes I made, all the times I went back, all the abuse I endured- was for a reason. Each and every decision and the outcome- brought me here- right here at this very point that I am at in my life. It is funny how God brings certain people in your life and it leads you to love......it's crazy how things work out!
My kids are finally seeing what it is like for two people to love one another and laugh together! My son is 7 years old and he has never seen that- how sad! My daughter is so in love with Dustin Bryant- she thinks he is her boyfriend too! LOL! The two of them love him- they love going to the "love shack" and if they don't see him for a night- they are asking for him to come over! I've never seen them be so excited to be around any man- I'm still not sure how to react to it all- I just know I am blessed and I am happy- truly, genuinely happy for the first time in my adult life!
I am so glad I finally let go of all the anger and hurt- because as soon as I made the resolution to do so- God brought me my missing link! He is the only one who has been able to break down my walls and dig deep enough to see me- the real me- for all my flaws, shortcomings, my fears and the love that exists within me. I have always been so guarded, I built a huge brick wall around my heart and never allowed anyone to love the real me, see the real me- it was a way to protect myself- if they hurt me- they were not hurting the real me- so I was safe! But letting go of that fear has been a liberating experience! I can be honest- for once- I can say how I really feel- and he listens and he understands- who knew I could that? Certainly not me! But it takes that kind of respect and love to bring that out in a person......and I am so thankful to have that! To finally have that person that I can be myself with- crazy, wild, goofy, happy, excited, nerdy, silly- and all the other complex, complicated, simple aspects of myself- he embraces all of it- I can just BE- BE WHO I AM- BE STILL and know that he is there- no matter what! He completes my family- he is the missing link that brings it all together! Funny thing is- I never felt like anything was missing- until he began spending time with the kids and I- and I saw how much better it is with him in our lives! He fits so well with us.....and it makes me so thankful for everything I went through in the past- because all of it brought me here! I finally understand- I see the full circle of things and it makes me feel soooo very BLESSED! So my advice to anyone out there that is hurting, not happy with their life or in a bad relationship- just remember- God lets us suffer so when we finally overcome the bad- we will truly appreciate all the blessings and good things in our life!!!