A Mushy Valentine's Day Blog: Warning May Contain Lovey Dovey Sentiments

                                                              Our First VDay together 2007


In celebration of our fourth Valentine's Day together...I am writing a mushy love blog!

When I look at the pictures of us on Valentine's Day in 2007- our first Vday together only two months into our courtship- I am A-Mazed at all the things we have been through together- good and bad in the four years since we took this pic. I often wonder if my Hubby would have run screaming in the other direction if he had known what a hand full, loaded with baggage, mess I was (maybe still am). But then I remind myself a night too long after this pic was taken when I was dealing with some not so great things and he told he had broad shoulders to carry us both through whatever life brought our way. He was right- he has carried us both through many ups and downs and I revere him for his strength and loyalty through life's celebrations and tragedies.

So on this lovey dovey day of L-O-V-E I want to thank God for giving me my Hubby, aside from my children and sister- he is the best thing in my life and I am certain I would not be who I am today if I did not have him in my life. He lets me chase my dreams...no matter what the cost! He stands by me and always has my back! I can be who I am with him and I never have to worry that he won't understand what I am trying to say or do- because he just GETS ME! His love is solid and unconditional and I am certain that are hard times are past us and our future together is bright and full of amazing things!

Whatever we have overcome together has only made us stronger and brought us closer and to me- that is the true test of love- those who can go through, excuse me, Hell together, and come out on the other side stronger, determined and driven to get to the top of the mountain- hand in hand. We have reached our mountain top and what a journey it has been. Through custody battles, financial struggles (because of the custody battles), selling houses, moving, flipping houses, losing loved ones, and a failed IVF- we are still madly in love just like we were on the day this picture was taken- even more so now because of everything we have been through together.

I could not ask for a better husband, a more perfect match or a better man to share my life- even in the crazy times! Thank you Hubby for loving me through everything and being my #1 Fan! You are THE BEST! MUAH!

My Christmas Gift...4 Years Ago

Every year on Christmas Day my heart is filled with thankfulness as I  remember Christmas night 4 years ago. December 25, 2006- I fell in love with my hubby! We joke around and say God gave us EACH OTHER for Christmas in 2006. Christmas is extra special around our house because it is true 4 years ago we became more than friends on Christmas Day. (See pic of us in Jan. 2007- taken at his then bachelor pad which was deemed the Love Shack).

It is one of those stories that I can't wait to tell our future children! We were both single, totally NOT looking for a relationship and we had been friends for about 6 months. My single friend and his single were sort of dating and on Christmas evening his friend and mine friend were having dinner at her house. She didn't want to be there alone with him and her kids, and he didn't want to be there alone with her and her kids so he brought Dustin along and she invited me and my kids to come over. Neither of us knew the other would be there. We spent the evening laughing, talking, eating pizza in her kitchen while her kids and my kids played in the living room with all new Christmas gifts. We all agreed it was nice to unwind from the hustle and bustle from a family filled Christmas day.

That evening something changed in the way I looked at him and felt about him. It was certainly one of those AHA moments when you realized what you wanted was right in front of you for some time now. I can't really explain it but things just clicked with us and from that day forward we were pretty much inseparable. He made me laugh and I was totally not skeptical of him- like I was with other guys. He was a small town boy but very quick witted and smart and thought intrigued me beyond all means.

I am so very thankful for our two friends for inviting us with them that night. I am sure we would have eventually ended up together but that night was just perfect. I actually had my kids in tow with me so he saw some of the 4 and 6 year old craziness which obviously did not scary him away- which said A LOT. Even though we had been friends for 6 months I was very picky about who came around my kids and honestly he was the first guy who had been around them since my divorce. I felt safe with him. I knew he was a good guy with a solid background and good family.

God gave me peace about him. He saw me in mom mode and saw my kids in kid mode and he still wanted to date me. What a guy! He was only 23 at the time, with no kids, never married, and I honestly did not think he and I would make it past a few months because my life was so complicated and busy and his was so NOT complicated and so quiet. But he embraced the kids and I and all are dysfunction and craziness and he has loved us unconditionally from day one. I love him so much for being strong through everything. He is so amazing and to this day...he is the best Christmas gift I have ever been given...I thank God everyday for him and his love!

So as you celebrate your Christmas today and tonight...just remember that the most precious, viable, long lasting gifts DO NOT come from the store, they can't be bought...they come from the heart, from actions, from memories and mostly from God.

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and don't forget the true meaning of the season....Jesus!

Walking With God

We didn't make it to church this morning as we had a house full of chattering, giggling, running through the house kids last night who were up until 4 am. But they had a good time and that's all that matters. Thankfully I had our church bulletin in my email and was able to read it over just a little bit ago. In it was an amazing poem that spoke directly to me and so I am sharing it with you! Here it goes:




Walking With God Sometimes I walk in the shadow, 
Sometimes in sunlight clear; 
But whether in gloom or brightness
The Lord is very near. 
Sometimes I walk in the valley, 
Sometimes on the mountain crest, 
But whether on low or high land, 
The Lord is manifest. 
Sometimes I walk in the desert, 
Sometimes in waters cold, 
But whether by sands or streamlets
The Lord doth me enfold. 
Sometimes I walk in green pastures, 
Sometimes on barren land; 
But whether in peace or danger 
The Lord holds fast my hand. 

 This poem sums up exactly how it feels to live the life of a Christian. Times will not always be sunny, happy, safe, healthy or joyful. There will be times of disappointment, sadness, sorrow, darkness and sickness. But as long as we walk with God we know we will grow into better people and come out of valley with a story to share and hope to keep us going. It also reminds us that the Lord is ALWAYS with us through the good and the bad times. He walks with us and never lets go of our hand. 


So keep hanging on and keep your faith and I promise one day you will be at top of your mountain, shining in the sun!  

For My Better Half From Your Infertile Wife

Due to recent events I decided I need to dedicate an entire blog just to my Hubby! Infertility is such a female dominated topic that I think the men sometimes get swept under the rug as innocent bystanders just waiting for their command to go into the room and fill up the cup! But they are in this process and invested in this journey just as much as all the fellow women out there. We are just more vocal about our journey (surprise surprise).

If it weren't for my Hubby I truly believe I would've lost my mind long ago. I have to give him props for marrying me knowing I was infertile and it would take LOTS of money, time and IVF to have a baby with me. Not many men would sign up for that and I am thankful everyday that he is spiritually strong enough to handle it all and be a good Hubby. He really is a saint in my book. I think couples who struggle with infertility and especially those who took the trek down the IVF road have a unique connection to one another not just as husband and wife but as rock solid partners in the treacherous waters of the unknown.

He has been so supportive and so unwavering throughout our marriage and especially through our IVF journey. He NEVER ONCE complained about giving me shots before he went to work in the morning or before we went to bed at night. He was so strong during our two week wait and he has never said a negative word about our IVF ending in a chemical pregnancy. The endless hours of my crying, talking and worrying would be enough to make any sane person crazy but he has been amazing. His love, hugs, kisses, hard work, support, kind words, reassurance, faith and partnership have blessed me beyond measure.

Even though I know we are both hurt, sad and disappointed we haven't lost touch of our love for each, if anything, we are stronger now than we ever were. The other day I said to him "what if IVF never works for us?"...his reply- "Then it's not part of God's plan for us to have children"...my reply- "Do you sometimes wish you would've married someone who could give you children the conventional way?"...his reply- "I love you babe- and that love is unconditional- kids or no kids". Yes, I know, he is pretty much the best. I knew that is how he felt but these days...I need to hear the words so I can sleep at night. Within the realm of infertility is a danger zone of insecurity and self loathing and sometimes I just need the assurance that no matter what I will have my Hubby and he loves me UNCONDITIONALLY. Maybe he should "post it note" it to my night stand just so I can read it when those negative thoughts creep into my mind?

Being loved unconditionally is a new gig for me. Before Hubby came along I had never experienced unconditional love. I am thankful every second I am blessed with his love. I know Love is God's gift to us and I thank Him everyday for giving me my Hubby's unconditional love- what an awesome gift! He really is my best friend and I pray and live for the day when God blessed with us with our own bundle of joy but for now I am enjoying the blessing of amazing Hubby and his unconditional love.

Babe, if you are reading this...I love you so MUSH! :)

1 Corinthians 13:13
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

A Little Thankful List

In my quest to stay positive and approach things with a thankful peaceful heart I am blogging today about ALL the things in my life I have to be THANKFUL FOR! When you sit back and think about it most of us are blessed with an overabundance of blessings in our life that mostly we don't even realize.

Here's my list:

1- God for giving his Son so I can be forgiven when I sin and fall short of His glory and grace.
2- My awesome kiddos- Dax and Mady- they are the light of my life. They make me happy and a better person everyday.
3- My Hubby- is so wonderful and I am so in love with him- there are not words to describe the blessing he is to my life. I love him.
4- My sister- she just gets it- she understands me and is always there for me. Thanks to her I don't have to mess with the girl drama of having a BFF- she is my BFF and I love her dearly.
5- My family- mom, brother, grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins- I have many awesome people in the mix who bring special blessings to my life- they are all amazing! Love them immensely!
5- My Hubby's family- they are awesome- they make me laugh and they are truly genuine good people. I am blessed to be a part of that family. My in laws are an amazing couple who have been married for 31 years and I love it that they are still so crazy about each other.
6- My Church- it's an amazing place filled with amazing people who love God and are loving, caring, prayerful, giving people. I am lifted up by being a part of such an awesome church family.
7- My Home- its affordable, efficient and perfect for us right now. I am praying it will be an life changing investment for our future.
8- My friends- I have an awesome support system of friends. I know I can call at the drop of a hat and I know they have my back. They are prayer warriors and I am certain their prayers have changed the course of my life for the better a time or two.
9- Our truck and car- they are paid for- and for that I am thankful! The car gets awesome gas mileage which makes me smile every time I drive her :)
10- Books- because I can escape and go anywhere with them.
11- The Bible- it gives me solace and peace in times of turmoil and reasons to celebrate in times of uplifting.
12- My health....basically I am glad to be healthy in every way possible!
13- My family's health- thankfully we are happy and healthy right now!
14- IVF- for giving Hubby and I a shot at being parents together- God is in control here...
15- My doggies- they are always happy to see me and I am always to see them- they love me even when I'm a mess! The most loyal little four legged friends ever!
16- Pretty weather- I love opening the windows at my house and letting the fresh air stream through- those are my favorite days.
17- Football season- it's just fun- especially when your team is winning.
18- The Holidays- sure they can be stressful- but I so enjoy the food, fellowship, family and of course watching the kids enjoy their gifts.
19- Naps- here lately I cannot get enough of these in- so I am thankful for these wonderful little gifts in the middle of my day.
20- My bed- we call it the THE CLOUD- its awesome, so amazingly comfortable and wonderful in every way. One of the best investments the hubby and I have ever made.
21- Facebook- its a great way to pass the time and keep up with friends and family. I love it!
22- DVR- God made this for busy moms who can't spend time in front of the TV but enjoy certain shows and must be able to fast forward through commercials...
23- My ex-husband- I know sounds weird but he did help me create two awesome kids. My relationship with him taught me a lot about myself and how I will never let someone abuse me or control me ever again. How being happy with someone is so important and life is too short for misery. If he were not in my life I would not be constantly reminded of God's grace, mercy and my need to for patience, forgiveness and tolerance. I believe being forced to utilize these skills makes me a better person.
24- Music- it heals the soul and calms the beast and I love me some music of ALL kinds!
25- Pictures/My Camera- I am totally obsessed with taking pictures! I love doing it and I love capturing so many moments with people I love!
26- Memories- I have lost many people I love and memories are all I have left of them (and my quilt that my Mama made me that I sleep with every night)- I am so thankful for those memories and mementos- I treasure them and keep them in a special place in my heart.
27- Cherry Berry and Blue Bell Ice Cream- come one who doesn't love these? I am thankful for their yummy existence.
28- Exercise especially running- it helps relieve any stress or burden...sweat it away! Awe! Can't wait to get back into the routine again!
29- Prayers/Prayer Warriors- we all do it, we all need it and we all know it changes things...I am thankful for its power!
30- Blogging- I like to just put it out there- it's therapeutic for me to keep it real and write it out to get it off my chest. Sure I have made some people mad from time to time but I guess in life we can expect to ruffle some feather because God made us all differently and we won't all agree all the time- and that's okay as long as you know no matter you say or do- my thoughts/opinions/beliefs/convictions will mostly likely NOT change so don't waste your breathe/time/money to try to do so- you will fail. Just embrace me for who I am and if you don't like me or what I write- then do not visit my blog :)

The LUCKY ONES

So in the midst of all the crazy preparation for IVF my hubby has been sent out of town to work...I am really missing him! I know its sounds somewhat pathetic and whiny but really I do not like being away from him at all! It is bad enough when he works 10-12 hours a day while I am mostly at home. I count down the hours until he gets home so I can talk to him and see his precious face. Him being gone from home has made me realize things I know I already knew but seem more of a big deal to me now.

1- I love being married to him...I just do in every possible way! I love it love it love it!

2- He is the best husband ever- he gives and he loves unconditionally and with all he has!

3- God has blessed us- over and over again with a love so strong- really there just is not words describe it!

4- My passion for him is out of this world! Every time we kiss seriously it's like the first time we kissed- we truly desire each other and I think that makes for a happy healthy marriage!

So wrapping this up I have to admit that it is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder in many ways...just when I thought I could not possibly love this man anymore than I already did- boom! My cup runeth over and over! He did put the sweetest thing on his Facebook page last night- "Missin home and the wife! Love u babe! Now off to bed!" AWE! How sweet was that? The man who NEVER gets on Facebook put something lovey dovey on there just for me. He's truly a blessing in my life and I am thankful every second of every day that God allowed me to meet him, fall in love with him and marry him! I am a lucky woman and we are the LUCKY ONES!

Life's New Twists & Turns

I am almost embarrassed to admit how long it's been since I've updated my BLOG! Here is my excuse: I have been too busy writing blogs for everyone at work that I have neglected my OWN! It's an inherent trait I am convinced only females and mothers have (putting everyone else's needs before their own)...but anyway- I have failed at blogging my life away and I am committing to STOP putting work & others first and START putting ME first from TODAY on!

Hmmm....We will see how this pans out.

One MAJOR thing has transpired since the last time I wrote:

1- My hubby and I have decided IT'S TIME to take the LEAP- JUST DO IT- GO FOR IT- and MAKE A BABY! This may sound like an easy task coming from a young couple and a woman who already has two kids- but folks, let me tell you- IT IS NOT! Stay tuned for more in depth details on this complicated matter.

My blog is going to take on a new light dealing with one subject I never thought I would ever have to deal with in my entire life- INFERTILITY and IN VITRO FERTILIZATION. These are complicated complex matters and I feel called to write about our journey. I'm cooking up my first post on these two issues and you will be seeing it soon enough. So stay tuned and also say a little prayer for us as we embark on this journey of a lifetime and as I launch my new business!

Lots of new exciting things happening around here and of course it's Fall in Oklahoma- who doesn't love that? Football season is in full swing and I will be writing and posting pics of Cheer and Football! Go Bulldogs!

MARCH 14, 2008 "BEING THANKFUL"

new haircuts!!!!

Nascar Races March 2008 lots of fun!

love my mother-in-law and sister-in-law! I have the mom I always wanted! and the sweetest little sis ever!

love her.....

They are such a good example of TRUE LOVE through the years! Im blessed to be in their family!

Church Directory Pic March 2008

Friday, March 14, 2008
BEING THANKFUL Current mood: thankful Category: Religion and Philosophy

All too often we get caught up in our daily routine of kids, relationships, family, jobs, household duties, kids’ school, kids’ sports and friends that we fail to stop and look at all God has blessed us with- and JUST BE THANKFUL. For a moment- maybe even two- each day- how many of us can say- we take a deep breath- look around us- take it all in- and just say "thank you God for my home, my healthy family, my sanity, my health, the clothes I wear, the car I drive, the people in my life that are loving, caring and wonderful"- so we acknowledge all the blessings in our lives the way we should? Do we give back to those who are less fortunate or think for a moment that maybe we overindulge in things we think we need- but really only society tells us we must have? I know many times I am guilty of buying too much for my children and myself and others I care for- instead- I should be teaching my children to give what we have to those who really need- those who go without day in and day out. Once I tried to make a statement to my children about "the starving kids in Africa" and it only made my daughter (who was 3 at the time) think her skin would turn dark if she got hungry! Statment not interpretated quite the way I had intended! I learned our children are better off learning from our actions- not a TV show!!
Now that I am staying home each day and I have time to actually think quietly and take it all in- I am so blessed! I know that most of the people in my life can say the same thing as I- we have homes, cars, jobs, healthy children, educations, and most importantly- the love of God and our families- we are truly blessed people- and we take it for granted so much of the time! At an early age I was blessed with the spiritual gift of mercy- I was the child who would sneak clothes to school for the girl who wore the same outfit days in a row- the girl less fortunate than myself- and now I see the same merciful gift in my daughter- and for that- I am truly thankful. Not always does having mercy on others pay off the way we intend it to- but in the long run- God blesses the merciful and the giving- tenfold. Being home and getting out of the hussle and bussle of the working mother life- has made me realize- it’s not about what kind of house you live in, what kind of car you drive, who your friends are, how much you have in the bank, flat screen tvs, ps3s, psps, the name brand clothing/shoes, vacations, how many extra cirricular activities your kids are involved in and the extravagant ways of many parents- ITS ABOUT being THANKFUL for what we have- without GOD we would not have all the things we have- ITS ABOUT what we had to go through to be where we are today- ITS about love- ITS about family- and GOD is the one who gives us those things- and for that- I AM BLESSED- and for that- I AM THANKFUL- IMMENSELY! So when we find ourselves being caught up in the ways of the world- the extravagant spending ways- maybe we need to stop and look around us at those less fortunate- be thankful for all we currently have- and instead of going out and buying our 100th pair of shoes for the year- give back- not just to your church- but to those that you know need it- those who struggle- those who go without- and those who are thankful to wake up in the morning- as we all should be! So for now- I am thankful- I am blessed- and I am hoping that I can teach my children to always give back more than you have- and that- will teach them integrity and the true value of being successful!!!
ENDING THOUGHT: Nothing we have or buy here- no money we have in the bank- will go with us to heaven- so why not do something good with your money while you are here to have it? Having money does not equal having happiness- but giving your money can bring happiness to someone’s life- and in turn- your own life!

DECEMBER 24, 2007 "A FAIRY TALE WEDDING AND A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS"

our first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Bryant
I got on the table and danced- we had the BEST DJ!

I love my DRESS!!!


The kids were very much a part of the ceremony! They had so much at the reception and we are all so excited to start our new life as a family!

My favorite picture of us....I love that man so much!

Monday, December 24, 2007
A FAIRY TALE WEDDING AND A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

Current mood: blessed

Category: Life & LOVE
It's been a long time coming when I can finally say that this year- is going to be a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Seriously!!! Only a little over a month ago we had the dream wedding- it was beautiful and perfect and even better than what we expected- so just when life seems like it can't get any better- here comes the Christmas season- and life is even sweeter!!! For those of you who have children- you know what I mean- seeing the look on their faces when the tree is all decorated and when the presents under the tree begin to grow- its a priceless experience! Even though we went 9 days without power- with 2 kids and 2 dogs- the Christmas spirit stayed alive and the entire experience made us even more thankful for all that we have- especially one another! And now we are only one day away from spending our first Christmas together as a family and I am so ecstatic! It seems that life is so serene right now- that I could live in this moment forever and ever! Not many of you know that last year ON CHRISTMAS DAY- Dustin Bryant and I began liking each other- we had been friends for about 6 months before- but that night- things just clicked and we began to see each other as more than friends- and it happened in Tanya's kitchen- when my kids and tanyas kids were there- and we were all just hanging out as friends! So we always joke and say that last year we got each other for Christmas!!! Our Christmas love story gives even more meaning to Christmas for us- we are celebrating one year of being together and we will always remember Christmas as something personally special!!! So this year we have each other and my kids- and it is going to be a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I hope everyone has a very merry christmas too!!!

SEPTEMBER 24, 2007 "FEELING INSPIRED, EXCITED, ECSTATIC AND ABSOLUTELY HAPPY AND IN LOVE!!!"

OUR ENGAGEMENT PICS! LA LA LA LOVE THEM!!!!

Monday, September 24, 2007
Feeling Inspired, excited, exhausted, ecstatic and absolutely happy and in love!!! Current mood: loved Category: Life
I have little time to blog lately with wedding plans, kids, school, work, homework, and my fiancee being out of town working for the last 6 weeks has made things more hectic than usual- taking care of two houses now!!! I felt compelled to drop some lines of inspiration for my devoted blog readers!!! So here it is:
I was watching Oprah the other day ( Imagine that) and Justin Timberlake (who I secretly worship) was on her show. He sang a duet with Reba McEntire titled "The Only Promise That Remains" and WOW!!! I was totally inspired by this song! It's crazy how songs can define who we are, where we at in our lives and makes us think, ponder, live, feel and the words we just cannot get out of our minds- we sing them out loud in the car, in the shower, to our kids and even in our heads at work, school, home- music is such an inspiration! Well here are the lyrics to this song (keep reading- there is a closing to this blog):
When the ground beneath you starts a-shakin'And you forget the place we came fromWhen you're lost and lookin' for you're way homeYou're way home to meI'll come out and find youWhen the world around you starts a-movin'And you should wonder if I still love youIf you feel the darkness comin', risin' insideI'll make a light to guide you back homeAnd after all the sky is fallin' downAnd after all the water's washed awayMy love's the only promise that remainsWhen your doubts have got you thinkin'Nothing's ever really sacredAnd you're afraid you might believe in...Believe in me....And I'll give you a reasonCuz the world around us keeps on movin'And there's no doubt that I still love youSo when you feel the darkness comin', risin' insideI'll make a light to guide you back homeAnd after all the sky is fallin' downAnd after all the water's washed awayMy love's the only promise that remainsMy love's the only promise that remainsMy love's the only promise that remainsAnd after all the sky is fallin' down(After all the sky is fallin' down)And after all the water's washed away(After all the water's washed away)My love's the only promise that remains
First of all when I read the lyrics to this song- I think about God's love and how His love is the entire reason we are all here on this earth and how He is truly the one who makes all the wonderful things happen in our lives! Then I think of the people God put in my life that define the words of this song to me: my children and Dustin Bryant! And then I am overwhelmed- my heart is filled with the love I share with these 3 people- and my cup "runneth over" once again! When I realize- if the sky really did fall down- I would have Dustin Bryant by my side to protect me and my children- us as a family sticking together and protecting one another. This song also touches on being scared to love or doubting love. This is something that any and all people who have ever been hurt or betrayed in their life (most everyone) struggle with from time to time. What a blessing it is to find someone strong enough to lead me back to him when "doubts got me thinking nothing's ever really sacred"........a man that knows who he is and knows who he is with me- and would die for me- give up his life- for me!!! WOW!!! This song also touches on time- and how life goes on and on- time passes- and yet- that person's love is there- IT REMAINS- still untouchable, unscathed- his love is there- when things changes- life carries on- but you still have the same person you love who loves you with their undying unwavoring love!!! It's just awesome to have that!!! Life is so hectic and crazy sometimes and having that person to fall in to- and hold you and listen to you and wipe your tears, give you advice and be there- strong and steadfast! His love makes such a difference in my life- I know he is always there and his love remains day in and day out!!! I have never had that and I never dreamed it was possible to experience this feeling with another human being- I always settled for less than love because I did not believe in true love or soulmates! I had never seen it in my home and I let the world convince me that life could not be a fairy tale and a man and a woman could not be happy and in love together- forever.....BUT I now know that TRUTH- love does exist- and it can be there when the sky falls down, when the earth shakes, when you have doubt, when you lost your way- and having that- is worth every mistake I made to get here!!! Sometimes when I think I am actually going to marry this man- DUSTIN BRYANT- I am just so overwhelmed I cannot do anything but CRY CRY CRY!!! When we got engaged I cried for two straight days- when we told my kids- I cried, his parents, I cried, and pretty much everyone- those were tears of wow, relief, excitement, thankfulness and love- finally it is me that gets her fairy tale- finally it is me that has the man that would save me if the sky was falling down, lead me back home if I was lost, be my light in the dark, catch me when I fall, and never let me forget that the promise of his love will always remain true and strong!
I love finally being able to relate wholly and truly to an awesome love song!! It is definately my "defining" "wow" moment (as Oprah would say)!!!!

JULY 13, 2007 "NOVEMBER 17 IS THE DATE"

WE ARE SILLY TOGETHER.....LAUGH TOGETHER....DANCE TOGETHER.....BEST FRIENDS...

Friday, July 13, 2007
November 17 is THE DATE!!!! Current mood: excited Category: Romance and Relationships
Things have been so crazy this last month I haven't even had time to post the best blog I have written in my entire life! so it is official as June 13, 2007 that Dustin Bryant and I are getting married! We set the date for November 17, 2007- hence the reason why I am sooo busy and things have been crazy! this wedding planning business is a mess! We have finally ironed the details for the reception- we are having it at Bridle Creek between Skiatook and Sperry- it is beautiful there! We set up a wedding site- http://ashleycrawfordanddustinbryant2007.ourweddingday.com and we are currently working on our growing guest list! I have to say that never in my life I have ever felt so happy and complete! The kids are ecstatic and cannot wait to live with Dustin in his new house! He closed and got all moved in 3 weeks ago and we have been decorating and working on things at his new house too! He lives down the road from his parents- who I love and adore more than words can say! They are so good to my kids and I- I couldn't ask for better in laws! They are truly the best- now I see why Dustin is such a good guy- he has awesome parents! It will be nice to one day have another baby and he or she will have grandparents right down the road- and awesome grandparents at that! I cannot wait to marry him, have kids and grow old with the person who loves me, understands me, listens to me, puts up with me and makes me laugh- UNCONDITIONALLY- no matter what and he is my best friend through and through! Life finally makes sense and I am just peachy, happy and truly blessed to have him and be getting married to him! THe kids and I couldn't have asked for a better man to be in our lives! So for now- I am planning and counting down the days til I become Mrs. Bryant! We picked our wedding song too- "The Day Before You" by Rascal Flatts- it is so us! So check it out! The words to this song say it all!!!!

MAY 9, 2007 "I ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY LOVE HIM"

HE IS IT FOR ME! AND I AM IT FOR HIM!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007
I absofreakinglutely love him!!!!

Current mood: loved

Category: Romance and Relationships
Never in a million years could anyone convince me that this man hating, hard hearted, non trusting, been cheated on, queen of "never getting married again" would stand here today and proclaim that I certainly, 100% absofreakinglutely am in love with the best man in this world (Im beginning to think i snagged the last good guy left on this Earth!).....BUT IT'S TRUE- he is mine and Im pretty sure he will be mine forever and ever.....how could I have ever have known that the boy that was in front of my face almost every weekend....William Dustin Bryant- the boy from Sperry that started out as my buddy, then my good friend, then my boyfriend would be the person I would end up with....it's funny how God works and how He prepares us to be ready for THE ONE and He does not allow us to see it until He knows we are ready- we were both ready when the time came for us to be more than friends and now it has grown into the most beautiful loving caring relationship and friendship I could ever have dreamed of- seriously something I thought only happened in the movies is now happening to ME- the girl who made sooo many mistakes in my past relationship- married a total loser and spent 7 years in misery trying to make a bad thing better- I AM NOW living a dream- it's just like heaven- and I feel so blessed! My kids and I could not be any more happy than we are right now and I know it will only continue to grow! so to everyone that has been hurt, let down, or just got out of a bad relationship- keep your head up- because it only means the one for you is still out there....and I promise it's the truth- YOU FIND THE ONE WHEN YOU ARE NOT LOOKING AND LEAST EXPECT IT TO HAPPEN!!! I have come full circle in my life- I finally feel complete and I finally feel loved- UNCONDITIONALLY!!! It's good stuff and for that I have to say- AMEN!!!!!

MARCH 11, 2007 "HUMANITY"

ITS THE LOVE I SHARE WITH
MY KIDS THAT KEEPS ME SMILING!

Sunday, March 11, 2007
Humanity Current mood: hopeful
No matter how many times I have been let down, cheated on, lied to and just down right stomped on by people who claim or have claimed to love me- I will never give up the hope that humanity exists within the heart of each and every individual in this world. At times like this- it is so easy to give up hope on the good and let the bad rule your attitude- I refuse to do that! I refuse to let someone else's stupidity steal my joy! I refuse to dwell on the negative effects their choices will have on my children's lives. I refuse to be surprised that once again- a bad choice was made. I refuse to let someone who never deserved my love in the first

place effect my life with his mistakes. I refuse to let my children think the way that person is living is right.
I will continue to cling to the hope that even though some people in this world are clearly NOT capable of living their lives right, moral and in a positive way for their childen- somewhere deep down humanity exists and there is good in everyone- even those who hurt others and live destructive lifestyles!
With this said- I have to add that I am so glad for those people in my life that love me (my kids, Dustin Bryant, Dustin's family, my family, friends and coworkers) and who support me in everything I do! They make this dysfunctional life of mine seem more functional and they add humor, happiness, good times, and love to my life on a daily basis! So to you all- I owe you the world and I love you all dearly!!! You are all a perfect example of humanity at its best!! Bless you all!!!

I OVERCAME

Friday, March 02, 2007
I OVERCAME Current mood: thankful
"He who overcomes.... (REV 21:7)"- a verse from the Bible that gently rings through my ears each and every time that I step back from my life and see how wonderful, fulfilled, peaceful and full of love it is! After all the heartache, betrayal, abuse, lies, and let downs- look at the life I now have! It seems almost like a dream but then I remember- I overcame! I got through it- I made it out- I was broken and maybe a part of me always will be- but I am stronger now than I have ever been in my life. Looking back I finally understand that all the mistakes I made, all the times I went back, all the abuse I endured- was for a reason. Each and every decision and the outcome- brought me here- right here at this very point that I am at in my life. It is funny how God brings certain people in your life and it leads you to love......it's crazy how things work out!
My kids are finally seeing what it is like for two people to love one another and laugh together! My son is 7 years old and he has never seen that- how sad! My daughter is so in love with Dustin Bryant- she thinks he is her boyfriend too! LOL! The two of them love him- they love going to the "love shack" and if they don't see him for a night- they are asking for him to come over! I've never seen them be so excited to be around any man- I'm still not sure how to react to it all- I just know I am blessed and I am happy- truly, genuinely happy for the first time in my adult life!
I am so glad I finally let go of all the anger and hurt- because as soon as I made the resolution to do so- God brought me my missing link! He is the only one who has been able to break down my walls and dig deep enough to see me- the real me- for all my flaws, shortcomings, my fears and the love that exists within me. I have always been so guarded, I built a huge brick wall around my heart and never allowed anyone to love the real me, see the real me- it was a way to protect myself- if they hurt me- they were not hurting the real me- so I was safe! But letting go of that fear has been a liberating experience! I can be honest- for once- I can say how I really feel- and he listens and he understands- who knew I could that? Certainly not me! But it takes that kind of respect and love to bring that out in a person......and I am so thankful to have that! To finally have that person that I can be myself with- crazy, wild, goofy, happy, excited, nerdy, silly- and all the other complex, complicated, simple aspects of myself- he embraces all of it- I can just BE- BE WHO I AM- BE STILL and know that he is there- no matter what! He completes my family- he is the missing link that brings it all together! Funny thing is- I never felt like anything was missing- until he began spending time with the kids and I- and I saw how much better it is with him in our lives! He fits so well with us.....and it makes me so thankful for everything I went through in the past- because all of it brought me here! I finally understand- I see the full circle of things and it makes me feel soooo very BLESSED! So my advice to anyone out there that is hurting, not happy with their life or in a bad relationship- just remember- God lets us suffer so when we finally overcome the bad- we will truly appreciate all the blessings and good things in our life!!!

FEBRUARY 14, 2007 "IN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THIS LOVELY DOVEY MUSHY GUSHY DAY!!!"

Wednesday, February 14, 2007
In Acknowledgement of this lovey dovey mushy gushy DAY!!! Current mood: cheerful Category: Romance and Relationships
Okay so I know most people think that EVERYONE that has SOMEONE on this day we refer to as "Valentine's Day" is just so excited and pumped about the sweet nothings they will soon be whispering in each other's ears declaring their undying love for one another- well I am going to put a little bit of the Crawford girl spin on things and say this- PEOPLE- EVERYDAY SHOULD BE VALENTINE'S DAY!!! It should not take a holiday dubbed by pure legend of a dead Roman Catholic saint to tell the person special to you how much you care for them- better yet- why should you have to tell them- SHOW THEM- EVERYDAY STINKING DAY!!! Life is too short to reserve one solitary day to say- "hey you are special to me and I love you"- Geez- show it- all the time- each time you see them- and if you are lucky enough- your love will be requited- and just holding that person in your arms is better than any $4.00 Valentine's Day card from Wal-Mart could ever be- even a dozen roses (although I do like being sent flowers- on spontaneous occasions)!!!
So okay- I am going to say it- Happy Freaking Valentine's Day to everyone- married, single, divorced, separated, gay and straight! I hope this day goes well for you and you take time out to love someone, tell them, show them, whatever- just remember when you do- to repeat it- the next day, and the next day and the after that and if you are blessed enough- for the rest of your life!
I am fortunate to be spending my normal ritual of Wednesday nights- with "the boy" from Sperry- my Bryant, the friend who was my buddy, then my cuddle partner, then my 30 mile radius friend, then my dating partner and now I am lucky girl and can say- he is my boyfriend! Thanks to months of friendship, lots of fun/ good times, many laughs, and lots of hours spent talking about whether we should or shouldn't become more than just friends- we are now the couple that I used to envy- the "it couple"! I am so glad we are together- I am happy, content, fulfilled and just one blessed girl! My kids are happy- we all laugh together, play together, make fun of each other and sometimes laugh til we cry and in the kids' case- pass gas- yes they do!!! I knew I was right where I needed to be when tonight my son said to him and I "Dustin you are the opposite of my dad- you are funny and nice and my dad is mean and not funny"- for a little boy who is learning about opposites right now in school- he nailed it on the head- and made me see that YES I AM DOING IT- Getting away from the so so and moving on to something completely better and different from my old life- and for that- I am soooo happy and relieved!!! I cant say enough how good it feels to be with someone who understands me, sees me for me and still wants to be with me, sees my kids throw fits and still he is there, laughs with me, holds me when I cry, looks in my eyes all the time, kisses me like its the last time we will kiss- everytime, holds me for hours, dances with me, sings with me, is not scared to be open, doesn't care that I am crazy, doesn't care that I dance with everyone, is NOT JEALOUS, is NOT CONTROLLING, is a good guy, has a good/funny family, spends time with my friends, lightens the mood when I am gripey, loves my kids, and most importantly- is MY BEST FRIEND!!! I can tell him anything even if I know it might be something Im not proud of- I know he is there for me- I am his and he is mine! What more could a girl want for Valentine's Day than that???? I cant think of one thing!
So to all the haters- get off the couch and do something- and to all the lovers- whether you are in love now or not- enjoy your day and eat a piece of chocolate for me!!! And remember- make it last past Valentine's Day- that is real love!!!

FEBRUARY 1, 2007 "MAYBE I'M AMAZED"

Thursday, February 01, 2007
Maybe IM amazed Current mood: happy Category: Romance and Relationships

Three words say it all......MAYBE IM AMAZED......that's all I can say.....Im speechless....tongue tied.....and absolutely amazed and happy!