Keeping the Peace

As I discussed in my last blog I started reading Joyce Meyer's book In Pursuit of Peace: 21 Ways to Conquer Anxiety, Fear and Discontentment. I knew I would be unable to set the book down when even before finishing the Introduction I was moved to tears. I want to share this paragraph with you:

"We tend to think that persons with the greatest faith are the ones who get the miracles. I'm not really sure about that, myself. We make so much out of miracles, when they happen. We think, Oh, what great faith they must have! They got a miracle. But I think the ones with the greater faith are the ones who KEEP THEIR PEACE even they don't get the miracles they wanted. I think the greater faith is in those who have to walk it out and decide to love God anyway. The people who don't get everything they're asking for, and who might not understand why, but yet continue to love and praise God, are truly trusting God. They stay in church, give their tithes and offerings, and stay full of peace. That is remarkable faith, in my opinion."

I absolutely 200% needed to hear those exact words! When you feel let down and without your miracle, it is so easy to backslide into self loathing, disappointment, envy, resentment and bitterness. Through this entire process, especially the hurtful ending, keeping my faith and being still in God's peace gave me strength even I did not know I had. And believe me, my life has been NO CAKE WALK, I have overcome mountains and persevered through many trials...but this time it was different...this time the understanding and peace were insurmountable. It was hard to think we did not get our miracle and not question why others got theirs while we are still waiting. But at the end of the day, I rested in a peace beyond understanding that can only come from our Savior.

Just like Joyce says, we did not get what we wanted and we don't understand why, but we are choosing to "walk it out" and "keep our peace". I know I have looked at others and fought back envy thinking "why did they get their miracle and we did not?". So this paragraph grabbed me by the heart strings and gave me the assurance I needed in my faith and my peace. Through this journey I know that without our faith and peace we would have been completely defeated and crushed by the end result. Not that we aren't heartbroken or sad...but in our heartbroken sadness we still walk in the victory that God gives us on a daily basis. We are not losing sight of the prize and we are still praying for our miracle to come in God's time and believing in God's plan for us.

Thank you Joyce Meyer for being so awesome and just "getting it". I am so excited about this book. I love reading books that you feel were written JUST FOR YOU! It speaks to me, it moves me, it inspires me and I hope I can take that inspiration and inspire someone else!

SO I am KEEPING THE PEACE...holding on to it for dear and seeking it out in everything I do, hope for, pray for and think about....and I hope and pray you are doing the same....

Obedience and Trust

I love Sundays! They are my favorite days of the week! Not only because this is the one day a week when we have nothing going on and can just spend time as a family but also because I get my spiritual tank filled! The sermon today was on key for me! It was about Obedience and Trust. These are defiantly two things I know I struggle with. I like to take things back that I give to God and I constantly struggle in trusting Him and being Obedient inHis will and my walk as a Christian. It's just the way of the world I suppose. But I am thankful that I have my church there to remind me what this world is all about and set me straight.

Throughout our IVF journey I find myself struggling with trust and obedience. One day I am confident and secure in trusting in God's will either way this thing goes and the next day I am worried and a mess about "WHAT IFS??"...."What if no eggs fertilize?", "What if I get sick and we can't do the transfer or retrieval", "What if the eggs don't grow", "What if they implant but the eggs don't stick?", "What if they stick but I have a miscarriage"....and my FAVORITE "What if my plane or hubby's plane crashes to or from Vegas?".

I mean really, how many WHAT IFS can one person come up with? And believe me- that was the SHORT LIST!

Thankfully, I am always reminded to trust and be obedient and stop the MADNESS! God is in control here, not me, not my hubby and not the doctors (not 100% anyway). This is God's deal and I am just thankful that the hubby and I are finally in the financial position to do this thing and embark on this journey that we have been anticipating and hoping for, for nearly 3 years.

I end my day humbled once again, full of hope, peace, promise, prayers and focused on trusting and being obedient and knowing if it is God's will for the hubby and I to have a baby then it will be...

To all my prayer warrior peeps out there- I know there are many- please start today- saying a little prayer for us throughout this process. God is in control and I will do my best absolute to stop the What Ifs and walk in His will and His promise EVERYDAY!

Love love to you all!