Thursday, August 24, 2006


Thursday, August 24, 2006
Home Alone Current mood: satisfied
Last night I had a severe case of "sleepless in Skiatook"- the kids were at their dad's for their Wed. night visit and I was home alone in my new house- and it was toooooo quiet! Sure I got the random text every hour or so but actually not having someone there to talk to or another presence in my home was weird, awkward, relaxing, freaky, scary, nice and baffling all at the same time!
I got a lot done but it was still just so quiet! I have been a mother since I was 20 years old and I have become so accustomed to my kids being home or someone being there- either my ex or my sister- that I did not realize how quiet.......quiet could really be......After 7 years of noise last night I had my first taste of pure, complete, absolute- aloneness and silence- I am still turning it over in my head to decide if I hate it or like it- maybe a little bit of both- but either way- life is so different for me now- living alone, being alone, recognizing myself in the silence of a home that I can call mine- without someone there threatening to make me leave or telling me they do not want me there! Everything that surrounds me are things that are chosen by ME not forced upon myself by someone else!
I love that feeling.....My home is me, my kids are me, my friends are me, my things are me, my life is all about ME and my kids- nothing more- nothing less. The silence that surrounds me verifies, solidifies and justifies the fact that I am meant to have this time alone- in a house that is mine- no renting, no staying with my sister- it is mine- and I am making it all ABOUT ME and MY KIDS- for the first time in my adult life- and I have to say- life is so surreal!

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