Friday, January 19, 2007


me & marcie- my single mom friend!

Friday, January 19, 2007
For all the Single Mothers Current mood: contemplative Category: Life

I have come to the realization that single mothers have the most thick, tough skin of anyone in this world! I know motherhood in itself makes a woman have superwoman qualities- but imagine doing it day in and day out- ALONE! No help from anyone! Imagine having children with someone who despises you and does everything in their power to make your life difficult and uses your kids to hurt- or even worse- having a child who has been adandoned by their other parent (that has happened to me before when my son was born). BUT you love your kids so you fight back retaliation and harsh words that you could say in response to being called a curse words and vulgar names in front of your children. YOU fight back getting upset when he refuses to help pay his share of medical expenses, extracurricular acitivites, birthday parties, and better yet- CHILD SUPPORT! You try not to cry in front of your children when they come home and tell you they did not have presents under the tree at their dad's house, or they lost a tooth at his house and the tooth fairy did not come- even better- he does not come get them at all and you have to see the hurt and pain in your children's eyes!
Each day you wake up to the reality that your children- the most precious things in the world to you- are depending solely upon you to show them the way in life because their other parent does know the meaning of morals or standards. No matter if you are having a bad day, you are sick- you have to be a mother first and make their life happen before you can do anything for yourself! You wake up each day and ask yourself if leaving their parent to get out of an abuse marriage was so right then why is it so hard? When will things start to turn around and when will your children not have to be hurt by this person anymore?
Being at home with my kids all week- day and night- made me realize- I am doing this- and I am doing a good job! Did their father call one time this week and ask to take to lunch (he works in Skiatook) or help me out (knowing I had been cooped up in the house all day with them)- Of course not!!! All he thinks about is himself- he is allowed that luxury- because I am the most selfless person in this world and sacrifice my very being for my children to have what they need and for them to be happy! I know what is right- and that is putting my kids first and foremost in my life- who else is going to do that? No one!
From day one- when I had my son at 20- he was born 2 months early- I was all alone- his dad was not around- I was at NICU from 8 in the morning until midnight- making sure he was okay- I had just had a c-section and it was freezing cold outside and I would walk from the parking lot in BFE to the hospital in so much pain- but knew he needed me- I was the only one- he was and still is my miracle baby and my world! And I hate the fact that someday he will have to know the truth- that his father was not there when he born, did not come to the hospital- did not even see his precious face until he was a year old! It breaks my heart that he will to feel the pain and rejection that I felt that entire year! My daughter will also know the truth that her dad was not there for her when she was born either! Sometimes I wonder why I put so much effort into someone who put so little effort into us? THEN I realize- my life is not over- I got a new start- I got away- I can show my children what love really is- happiness and goodness- and they deserve that! Thank GOD my children have me because my number one job on this earth is to make sure they have a good life- despite who their father is- their mother is awesome and will do her best to provide for them, love them, nurture them, be there for them, take care of them when their hurt or sick and show them how to be a good person!
So for anyone who would ever think about messing with a single mother- and believe me- what I mentioned in the above blog- is only the tip of the iceberg to the mess I have been through- I would think twce- you might just unleash a lion!!!

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