Thursday, September 07, 2006
I am WHO I am
Due to current events in my divorced life it has come to my attention- I AM WHO I AM- There is no changing me- I am a good person, an awesome mother, a loyal friend, tried to be a good wife and I am good at what I do professionally! So why is it that someone who claimed to love me for 7 years wants to do nothing but make up lies about me and try to bring me down?
I really do not get it! You give birth to someone's children- that right there should earn you a lifetime of at least RESPECT! But no not in my case! The hate voicemails, the mean looks, the slanderous rumors, the constant mind games with our children- it has to stop! Not to mention the fact that he won't pay child support, he hangs out with losers (and brings our son along with him), he won't pay daycare costs and he still claims to be a "good dad" and believe he will get joint custody- What in the world- Ignorance is truly bliss!!
I am not claiming to be a perfect person and I am the first one to tell anyone I meet that the knowledge and wisdom I have now is completely attributed to learning from mistakes in the past made by myself and my parents. I have a gold mine of mistakes made and lessons learned in my brain! But at least I deserve some peace, some respect and for once in the last 7 years- a little bit of happiness!! It hurts my soul and shakes me to the core when the person who is the father of my children does everything in his power to disrupt my world, hurt my feelings, confuse my children and make things difficult for me financially!
If there is anything I will teach my son it will be to respect his wife and cherish her as the mother of his children- that should be the new golden rule in this life!

SEPTEMBER 5, 2006 "MOVING UP"

Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Moving up Current mood: good
I do not like nor do I prefer the words "moving on"- I choose to use the phrase- "moving up". In all acutality when one parts from another- we set our standards higher (at least that is how it should be). We take the loss, let down, hurt and pain of the past relationship- learn from it- and come out a wiser person equipped with the ability to decipher the good from bad, the spoiled from the self-sufficient and the rotten from the primed.
So at this time in my life I want to say I am "moving up"- to better things, bigger places and people with morals, standards, goals, initiative and class. Is that too much to ask? I don't really think so- is that hard to find- certainly!

SEPTEMBER 1, 2006 "SLUMBER PARTY"

Friday, September 01, 2006
Slumber Party! Current mood: cheerful
So tonight my daughter is having her first all girl slumber party! She has been looking forward to this since we moved into our house- that is the first thing she asked- "can I have a slumber party now?"
She is so grown up about things- very much beyond her age in thinking and talking!
We are going to the Skiatook high school football game- I mean- who wants to miss out on the first game played on turf- quite a big deal in this small town! Then we are off to my house for pizza, makeup, dancing, music and all the sweets you can eat! What fun times! Growing up my house was always known as the slumber party house- once a month occurrence- now Mady can have that too and I am so excited about the many journeys I am going to take with her throughout her life!
so to all- be thinking of me when it is 3 a.m. and I am dead tired wishing these girls would stop screaming, giggling and eating all the sweets!
Good Times Always!
Have a good lllloooonnnngggg weekend to all!!!!

AUGUST 31, 2006 "DANCE TIME"

Thursday, August 31, 2006
Dance Time! Current mood: thankful
So my children and I are obsessed with music- just as I was as a child with both of my parents. Music was pivotal in my household growing up and without it I am pretty sure life would have been boring! This was before video games & before TV became a mind sucking magnet in households! We listenend to music while we ate dinner, cleaned house, played outside & music was always cranked up in my mom's van and every night before bed we had "dance time"- my mom, sister, and sometimes my brother (which would totally crack me up) every once in a while my dad would join in as well! What good times! Even after my parents divorced- I remember feeling complete, whole and validated by "dance time" at either my dad's or mom's house. As I grew older and got into junior high- dance time stopped being so fun and the phone became attached to my ear and boys became fixated in my mind and I slowly forgot about it all together.
Now that I am a mom and I don't have someone there bossing me around and telling me to "turn that music down"- I have made music in my house a permanent fixture! I must say that "dance time" in my house is the most fun it has been since I was kid and my parents were married!
My kids are hilarious when they dance! Let me tell you- my little girl has learned or inherited some moves- that make me blush! not really but they are pretty grown up and she just laughs and giggles while she shakes her "groove thing" I call it! My son is an entertainer- he won a dance contest at a birthday part last year- and since then I swear he thinks he is John Travolta- hence the reason he was "Danny Zucko" for Halloween and won the dress up contest at school on 50's day last year. He is all about making up "new moves" and wants my complete attention when he debuts them!
Dance Time this Tuesday night had me laughing so much- my cheeks hurt! We danced, danced, danced for 30 minutes, taking turns picking songs and showing off our "moves" and shaking our "groove thing".
As soon as I get home from work- the radio comes on and I do not turn it off- I sleep with it on in my room and in the morning put in my favorite burned CD from i-tunes whatever the mood may be- this week it is woman empowering songs/artists- like Sheryl Crow, Pink, Sarah MaClachlan & Stevie Nicks- and I sing while I get ready and turn it up for my kids when they wake up- they love it!
If you ever see me and my kids in my minivan- you will see all of us moving our heads to the beat of the music and singing as loud as possible! My kids are 4 and 6 and they already have "favorite songs", which is humorous because several of my friends give me a hard time because I have so many "favorite songs"...passing on the tradition- because you can never ever have too many favorite songs!
Music defines who I am and it makes my home a happy one! I am thankful to be in my house with my kids and finally in a place where Dance Time is celebrated! I know most of you have heard the saying "Music calms the beast"- certainly the case in my world! When I am down- I listen to motivational music, when I am excited- I listen to music that adds to my excitement....I have music for pretty much every mood! Music is so inspirational in my life!
As parents we need to provide music in our child's lives- so that they can utilize it when they are adults and need some encouragement or a boost in confidence, heal a broken heart or something to relate to their current life situation- music says it all in so many different ways!
We all need to have those special little things we do with our children other than attending their sporting events, practices, coaching their teams, volunteering at their school or taking them to the park- we need to have time in our homes that make our bond to our children strong! Story time is another great one- and ours gets pretty animated and out of control but it is so good for kids to be read to and I love reading!
So for all you parents- if you are looking for a way to connect with your children, add something fun to your daily routine or just be a kid again-
I highly recommend Dance Time- it is a sure winner!
I want to end this blog by saying "thanks" to my parents- who instilled in me many things- but the love of music has been one the timeless qualities I appreciate the most- so kudos to the padre and madre! As you ponder this blog and all that it entails- picture in your head Tom Cruise in Jerry MacGuire- driving down the road singing loudly Tom Petty's "Free Falling"- is there anyone that has not felt that way before? I doubt it- now go share that with your children- they deserve to know it, feel it, and celebrate it!

AUGUST 24, 2006 "HOME ALONE"

Thursday, August 24, 2006
Home Alone Current mood: satisfied
Last night I had a severe case of "sleepless in Skiatook"- the kids were at their dad's for their Wed. night visit and I was home alone in my new house- and it was toooooo quiet! Sure I got the random text every hour or so but actually not having someone there to talk to or another presence in my home was weird, awkward, relaxing, freaky, scary, nice and baffling all at the same time!
I got a lot done but it was still just so quiet! I have been a mother since I was 20 years old and I have become so accustomed to my kids being home or someone being there- either my ex or my sister- that I did not realize how quiet.......quiet could really be......After 7 years of noise last night I had my first taste of pure, complete, absolute- aloneness and silence- I am still turning it over in my head to decide if I hate it or like it- maybe a little bit of both- but either way- life is so different for me now- living alone, being alone, recognizing myself in the silence of a home that I can call mine- without someone there threatening to make me leave or telling me they do not want me there! Everything that surrounds me are things that are chosen by ME not forced upon myself by someone else!
I love that feeling.....My home is me, my kids are me, my friends are me, my things are me, my life is all about ME and my kids- nothing more- nothing less. The silence that surrounds me verifies, solidifies and justifies the fact that I am meant to have this time alone- in a house that is mine- no renting, no staying with my sister- it is mine- and I am making it all ABOUT ME and MY KIDS- for the first time in my adult life- and I have to say- life is so surreal!

August 14, 2006 "Goodbye Summer, Hello School Year"

Monday, August 14, 2006
Goodbye Summer, hello School year Current mood: content Category: Life

Well looks like come Thursday my summer will be officially coming to an end.....

AS the school year starts I am getting prepared for PTA meetings, coaching my cheer squad- very excited about that!!!, gymnastic practice, football pratice, putting together the first ever SBFA pep rally- should be fun!! All the while I am getting ready to move into my new house- I am so excited about that! I think I am closing on Thursday, painting and cleaning on Friday and Saturday and moving on Sunday- I cannot wait!! The kids are so ready too! I have bought all the odds and ends and new furniture- fresh new start- what a journey it has been to finally get here- the spot of complete and whole completion and satisfaction in my life, where I am, who I am and what is to come.......serenity....maybe....but certainly.....success and redemption......and witness to the fact that one can always pull themselves up from the deepest, darkest of holes and come out shining like a bright new star- except much smarter and wiser than ever before- and certainly equipped with the knowledge needed to prevent oneself from repeating past mistakes and being brought down again by anyone or anything!!!

Thanks to all my friends and family that gave me moral support and helped me get to the point I am now!! And mostly- thank you my Lord and Savior for blessing me with two awesome healthy children and daily strength and courage to be the mother they deserve to have!

AUGUST 30, 2006 "A WOMAN OF NO IMPORTANCE"

Wednesday, August 30, 2006
A Woman of No Importance Current mood: cold
Last night I was rummaging through my extensive book collection when I came across one of my old favorites...I almost felt a slight pang in my heart as I grabbed it up and starting flipping through the pages. I read this book about three years ago when my ex husband and I were going through a rough time (actually the entire marriage was a rough time- but this time was pretty bad). I was taking a class called "Women in Literature" as part of my English minor- this book opened my eyes to the many truths about men and women. Not that I was completely dumb to the truths beforehand but certainly had become blinded by love (marriage) for a period of time. Throughout the book I had made markings and put post-it notes on parts I felt were pertinant for grasping the concept and theme of the book. I came acroos a highlighted quote- that also had a "post it" on it noting-"SO TRUE REMEMBER THIS- ALWAYS" It read- "Men always want to be a woman's first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about things. What we like is to be a man's last romance" - "A Woman of No Importance" by Oscar Wilde. WOW!! I had forgotten this truth. I think that as women- that longing to be a man's last romance- gets us into trouble all too often. Why not just forget about love and romance- and decide- you know what- I love being single- I love not having a man in my house to pick up after, cook for and occupy my bed. It is so much less stress! Life is so much easier without a man! As for romance- that will come in when I am ready to meet the right person! So girls- remember the truth- embrace it- but just dont live by it- it saves a lot of wasted time, heartbreak, tears and stress!!!

AUGUST 2, 2006 "WHO I AM"

Wednesday, August 02, 2006
WHO I AM
Many times people are completely misconstrued by outer appearances or other's opinion and let that define who they think a person is....well this is WHO I AM.....
I am a good mother - my children are my EVERYTHING!!!
GOD comes first in my life- the rest falls into place! My Children are my #1 priority- bottom line!
I am there for my friends in good times and bad
I will not tolerate abuse of any kind because I am a survivor of domestic violence!
I surround myself with people who love God & life and want to make the most of it at all times!
I love my parents but they are divorced and we have certainly had our differences.
I think people who obsess over money and material possessions are extremely shallow and I limit the time I spend around them!
I appreciate people for who they are not what they have.
I love people who are HONEST
I will not tolerate liars, cheaters, thieves or bad friends!
I would rather be with a man who is not so hot and intelligent than a good looking with no brains!
I would never not marry for money but I also want someone who can take of himself.
I measure success by accomplishment not material possessions.
I respect people who stand up for what they believe in
I despise drugs
I despise people who do drugs
I do not understand addictions of any kind- my God is stonger than any addiction!
I think we all have the chance to succeed in life- it just takes the initiative to do it!
I am a Christian and I am very spiritual about my beliefs.
I would love to travel to Italy, France and New York
I love art museums
I love the lake
I love to travel
I love Colorado
I love movies- of all kinds
I could not survive without music
I play silly with my children and we thrive on using our imagination
I do not have a TV in my living room- its bad for your brain- that's what I tell my children
I collect books- I have thousands
I collect art
I love to laugh by myself, with friends and especially with my kiddos
I am a "soccer mom", I coach my daughter's cheer squad and soccer team and I never miss a game or practice for either of my children's sports. I am always there with the camcorder and camera!
I love to decorate and buy things for my house from Thrift Store- random items!
I love to take pictures of any and everything
I love having intellectually stimulating conversations with people.
I love to dance
I love being sent flowers, cards or nice notes
I love love
I love someone who is simple
I do not like dramaI do not gossip- if they talk about other with you- they will talk about you to others- remember that! I have a soft heart for special needs childrenI love love babies! I could never own enough pairs of shoesI love to shop with my daughterI am a leader- I love to orgainze events and do fundraisers of any kind! I am very independent! I think my son will be the next Jim Carrey- seriously!
I have a merciful heart- I was the girl who snuck my own clothes to school in first grade and put them in the backpack of the girl who wore the same sometmes dirty clothes to school time and again- and that really made me sad for her! I can't stand mean people
I could never sing in public
My sister is my best friend
and last but not least-
I AM ME and proud of it!

JULY 19, 2006 "YEAH GIRL!!!"

Wednesday, July 19, 2006
"YEAH GIRL" Category: Life
My kids went to BIG SPLASH yesterday with my lil sis, Whitney, and she told me one the cutest story I have yet to hear about my daughter! In the kiddy pool area there is a big turtle for kids to climb on and slide down. Mady had been wanting to do it all day but Whit was scared for her since she is only 4. But when they were getting ready to leave, Whit let her. She said Mady slid down that turtle and went under for a second and stood up put her hand on one hip and pointed her finger in the air and yelled "YEAH GIRL" Whit said everyone around there starting laughing and clapping!! THAT WOULD BE MY DAUGHTER- Thanks! I just wish I could have been there to see it- sometimes it is hard being a working single mother! I hate missing out on things like that!

JULY 17, 2006 I AM IN LOVE!!!

Monday, July 17, 2006
I AM IN LOVE!!!!!! Current mood: happy
I picked the kids up from their dad yesterday and I was so so so glad and happy to see them!!!
Last night I laid there between them and just absorbed the love that I share with my kids- they are my life!! I worship them- they are everything to me and I am so so so thankful to have them in my life!!! When I really sit back and think about my kids and what a blessing they are to my life- it is overwhelming and I tear up. They are precious, sweet, kind, hularious, talented and beautiful kids and my world would be so incomplete without them in it.
I know many people are scared to be alone and spend so much of their time "looking" for the right man. The way I look at it- I have kind, caring, loving little boy to love me and a sweet, precious, funny little girl to love me- who needs more than that????
I am in love with my children- what more could I ask for???