FEBRUARY 14, 2007 "IN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THIS LOVELY DOVEY MUSHY GUSHY DAY!!!"

Wednesday, February 14, 2007
In Acknowledgement of this lovey dovey mushy gushy DAY!!! Current mood: cheerful Category: Romance and Relationships
Okay so I know most people think that EVERYONE that has SOMEONE on this day we refer to as "Valentine's Day" is just so excited and pumped about the sweet nothings they will soon be whispering in each other's ears declaring their undying love for one another- well I am going to put a little bit of the Crawford girl spin on things and say this- PEOPLE- EVERYDAY SHOULD BE VALENTINE'S DAY!!! It should not take a holiday dubbed by pure legend of a dead Roman Catholic saint to tell the person special to you how much you care for them- better yet- why should you have to tell them- SHOW THEM- EVERYDAY STINKING DAY!!! Life is too short to reserve one solitary day to say- "hey you are special to me and I love you"- Geez- show it- all the time- each time you see them- and if you are lucky enough- your love will be requited- and just holding that person in your arms is better than any $4.00 Valentine's Day card from Wal-Mart could ever be- even a dozen roses (although I do like being sent flowers- on spontaneous occasions)!!!
So okay- I am going to say it- Happy Freaking Valentine's Day to everyone- married, single, divorced, separated, gay and straight! I hope this day goes well for you and you take time out to love someone, tell them, show them, whatever- just remember when you do- to repeat it- the next day, and the next day and the after that and if you are blessed enough- for the rest of your life!
I am fortunate to be spending my normal ritual of Wednesday nights- with "the boy" from Sperry- my Bryant, the friend who was my buddy, then my cuddle partner, then my 30 mile radius friend, then my dating partner and now I am lucky girl and can say- he is my boyfriend! Thanks to months of friendship, lots of fun/ good times, many laughs, and lots of hours spent talking about whether we should or shouldn't become more than just friends- we are now the couple that I used to envy- the "it couple"! I am so glad we are together- I am happy, content, fulfilled and just one blessed girl! My kids are happy- we all laugh together, play together, make fun of each other and sometimes laugh til we cry and in the kids' case- pass gas- yes they do!!! I knew I was right where I needed to be when tonight my son said to him and I "Dustin you are the opposite of my dad- you are funny and nice and my dad is mean and not funny"- for a little boy who is learning about opposites right now in school- he nailed it on the head- and made me see that YES I AM DOING IT- Getting away from the so so and moving on to something completely better and different from my old life- and for that- I am soooo happy and relieved!!! I cant say enough how good it feels to be with someone who understands me, sees me for me and still wants to be with me, sees my kids throw fits and still he is there, laughs with me, holds me when I cry, looks in my eyes all the time, kisses me like its the last time we will kiss- everytime, holds me for hours, dances with me, sings with me, is not scared to be open, doesn't care that I am crazy, doesn't care that I dance with everyone, is NOT JEALOUS, is NOT CONTROLLING, is a good guy, has a good/funny family, spends time with my friends, lightens the mood when I am gripey, loves my kids, and most importantly- is MY BEST FRIEND!!! I can tell him anything even if I know it might be something Im not proud of- I know he is there for me- I am his and he is mine! What more could a girl want for Valentine's Day than that???? I cant think of one thing!
So to all the haters- get off the couch and do something- and to all the lovers- whether you are in love now or not- enjoy your day and eat a piece of chocolate for me!!! And remember- make it last past Valentine's Day- that is real love!!!

FEBRUARY 1, 2007 "MAYBE I'M AMAZED"

Thursday, February 01, 2007
Maybe IM amazed Current mood: happy Category: Romance and Relationships

Three words say it all......MAYBE IM AMAZED......that's all I can say.....Im speechless....tongue tied.....and absolutely amazed and happy!

JANUARY 30, 2007 "SICK AND TIRED"

dax at veterans day program

mady sock hop day

mady thanksgiving program

dax won two awards for 2nd grade

my sister and I with Dax- he was crown bearer

in Skiatook Wrestling Homecoming 1/30/2007

Tuesday, January 30, 2007
SICK AND TIRED (What it takes to be a REAL parent) Current mood: tired Category: Life
Being a parent involves so many aspects of life. To name the top four- spiritual, emotional, physical and financial support of your children! You cannot pick and choose which of these you want to uphold- you must uphold all of them- or guess what- you are not a good parent! BOTTOM LINE!! If you cannot make time for your children- to be there for them at important events- like watching your son be the crown bearer at homecoming- taking them to their awards banquet- taking them to their games- then GUESS WHAT- YOU ARE NOT A GOOD PARENT!!!! I am sick and tired of the b.s. and of people who think just because their check is being garnished for child support and they pick up their kids every other weekend- they are a good parent!!! NO YOU ARE NOT!!! There is so much more that comes with being a parent- like- staying home with them from work when they are sick- even though youve already used all your sick leave and you know you wont get paid- talking with their teachers on a weekly basis- inviting their friends over for playdates- playing twister until your legs and arms hurt- reading books- singing and dancing to music- praying together- playing together- cheering them on at ALL THEIR SPORTS EVENTS- taking their picture as they get their trophies- hugging them when they are sad- disciplining them when they need it- cooking together- being the parent that has the camera and the camcorder on the front row so you will have memories of your childhood to cherish- respecting their other parent even though you cant stand them- coaching their sports team- showing up to their games- teaching them to have positive attitude- teaching them to share- teaching the that family is the most important thing in this life- teaching them to forgive- sacrificing your happiness to make them happy- swallowing your pride to provide for them- smiling when you just want to cry- making life happen for them day in and day out- putting their happiness before your own-
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY- LOVING THEM EVERYDAY (which means- calling them everyday & being there for their important events)!!!
I am sick and tired of dead beat parents hurting their children- its painful to watch!!! Why have children if you do not want to be a REAL PARENT???

JANUARY 19, 2007 "FOR ALL THE SINGLE MOTHERS OUT THERE"

me & marcie- my single mom friend!

Friday, January 19, 2007
For all the Single Mothers Current mood: contemplative Category: Life
I have come to the realization that single mothers have the most thick, tough skin of anyone in this world! I know motherhood in itself makes a woman have superwoman qualities- but imagine doing it day in and day out- ALONE! No help from anyone! Imagine having children with someone who despises you and does everything in their power to make your life difficult and uses your kids to hurt- or even worse- having a child who has been adandoned by their other parent (that has happened to me before when my son was born). BUT you love your kids so you fight back retaliation and harsh words that you could say in response to being called a curse words and vulgar names in front of your children. YOU fight back getting upset when he refuses to help pay his share of medical expenses, extracurricular acitivites, birthday parties, and better yet- CHILD SUPPORT! You try not to cry in front of your children when they come home and tell you they did not have presents under the tree at their dad's house, or they lost a tooth at his house and the tooth fairy did not come- even better- he does not come get them at all and you have to see the hurt and pain in your children's eyes!
Each day you wake up to the reality that your children- the most precious things in the world to you- are depending solely upon you to show them the way in life because their other parent does know the meaning of morals or standards. No matter if you are having a bad day, you are sick- you have to be a mother first and make their life happen before you can do anything for yourself! You wake up each day and ask yourself if leaving their parent to get out of an abuse marriage was so right then why is it so hard? When will things start to turn around and when will your children not have to be hurt by this person anymore?
Being at home with my kids all week- day and night- made me realize- I am doing this- and I am doing a good job! Did their father call one time this week and ask to take to lunch (he works in Skiatook) or help me out (knowing I had been cooped up in the house all day with them)- Of course not!!! All he thinks about is himself- he is allowed that luxury- because I am the most selfless person in this world and sacrifice my very being for my children to have what they need and for them to be happy! I know what is right- and that is putting my kids first and foremost in my life- who else is going to do that? No one!
From day one- when I had my son at 20- he was born 2 months early- I was all alone- his dad was not around- I was at NICU from 8 in the morning until midnight- making sure he was okay- I had just had a c-section and it was freezing cold outside and I would walk from the parking lot in BFE to the hospital in so much pain- but knew he needed me- I was the only one- he was and still is my miracle baby and my world! And I hate the fact that someday he will have to know the truth- that his father was not there when he born, did not come to the hospital- did not even see his precious face until he was a year old! It breaks my heart that he will to feel the pain and rejection that I felt that entire year! My daughter will also know the truth that her dad was not there for her when she was born either! Sometimes I wonder why I put so much effort into someone who put so little effort into us? THEN I realize- my life is not over- I got a new start- I got away- I can show my children what love really is- happiness and goodness- and they deserve that! Thank GOD my children have me because my number one job on this earth is to make sure they have a good life- despite who their father is- their mother is awesome and will do her best to provide for them, love them, nurture them, be there for them, take care of them when their hurt or sick and show them how to be a good person!
So for anyone who would ever think about messing with a single mother- and believe me- what I mentioned in the above blog- is only the tip of the iceberg to the mess I have been through- I would think twce- you might just unleash a lion!!!

JANUARY 8, 2007 "AFTER THE STORM"

Monday, January 08, 2007
After the Storm..... Current mood: pleased Category: Life
So as you all know I bought my first home as a single woman in August. THe house was built in 1952 and along with buying an older home comes older buildings- otherwise known as "sheds". My house sits on an acre and I have 3 sheds that really are on their last leg!!! So after the recents snow storms in DEcember- 2 of 3 of the roofs caved in on these things....and well it is pretty much a mess!! SO Today I just got sick of it and was like "okay it is a new year- 2007- time to clean up messes in my personal life and on my property!". So me, my bare hands and a hammer, hit, tore, pulled, moved and cleared out those 2 buildings- ALL BY MYSELF!!! No work gloves, no fancy tools, no machines or powered saws- just me, my anger, my stress and my woman power- and of course- the hammer and we got the job done! I was so proud that I had to call my best friend T is for Tanya to come see the finished product- she was impressed!! It was so theurapetic!! I have been saying for months that I needed a punching bag but this was far more better- because I was making progress on my yard and that felt good! IT felt good to let it out- it felt good to do something I thought only a man could do- it felt good that every 5 minutes my daughter would stop and say "man mom you are strong"- it felt good that I was showing her that I can do it all- I felt like superwoman!! So I am glad for the storm- glad that I have a project to get my mind off my ocean of stress and worries and mostly I am glad that I can do so many things on my own and without the help of a man- it feels good to clean things up after the storm! 2007 is going to be a great year!!!

JANUARY 3, 2007 "I DID IT AGAIN"

Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I did it again!!! Current mood: excited
For the regular readers of my famous blog you might remember a few months ago when I posted the blog about being so proud of my single, independent self for putting up a trampoline by myself- well I have to share YET ANOTHER proud single mother moment with all my blog admirers!!!
My daughter's bunk bed has been sitting in her room in pieces for the last two months!
SO tonight I set out on the bunk bed challenge and I am proud to say I had it all put together in less than an hour- using only my two hands! I swear the woman power just consumes me and radiates from my presence!
Even though I do not really promote nor believe in New Year's Resolutions- because let's face it- we all need to be happy with who we are and where we are at right now- the changing of a date cannot miraculously make our problems go away or our butts get any skinnier but I will admit that when I adopted the motto- "New Year- New ME" because I have been through a very rough year! So with that motto in my mind- I took a look at my daughter's bed and my new set of tools- and thought- to heck with waiting on some man or boy to come over and help me! I can do this myself! Geez....I already gave birth to and am raising two awesome children on my own- what could be harder than that?
So with 2007 ahead of me and the frame of mind that I can do anything within my power-I know this year is going to be the best yet!

DECEMBER 29, 2006 "DINNER AND A MOVIE"

Friday, December 29, 2006
Dinner and a Movie Current mood: excited
So tonight we are recooperating from a lllllooooonnnngggg week of fun times, good times, great times, laughs and BOOM- there you go!!! AND AGAIN!!!
Seriously- I am making the most of my time of my Christmas Break....spending time with the kids and my friends!
BUT tonight- its me time- or shall I say- girl time! We are doing dinner and a movie at the good ole' bachelorette pad of ARC! It is a long time overdue- we need some serious be the man talks!

Lots of changes are taking place right now in my life- all for the good of course- and sometimes its good just to regroup, talk it out, maybe even cry a little and spend time with the girls- all over dinner and a movie!

DECEMBER 27, 2006 "HOME FROM NEW YORK CITY"

THIS IS THE ENTIRE REASON FOR THE TRIP PICASSO & CEZANNE ON EXHIBITION AT THE MET

Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Home from New York City!!! Current mood: excited Category: Travel and Places
I just have to say that four days in the Big Apple was not long enough!! We did all the tours and sightseeing our bodies could handle- pretty sure we walked about 20 miles!! Tanya and I both decided that we belong in Manhattan and someday we are going to move there!! We almost did want to come home- believe me we tried to think of ways to get our kids up there and just stay forever!!! There was not one thing about that city that I did not absolutely love- even with people having no personal space! By the end of our trip we were taking there subway here and there.....crossing the street when the sign said not to cross and being the New Yorkers we were meant to be!!! We got to see the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, The BIG TREE at Rockefeller Center, Harlem, The East and West Village, The Cathedral of Saint John the Divine, Macy's, The Plaza, Central Park, Times Sqaure (everyday when we walked out of our hotel), the 3 story Toys R Us in Times Square, the biggest book store in NEw York City- 18 miles of books- I was in heaven!!! AND all the homeless people, people on the streets dressed up as Spiderman, Spongebob, King Kong, etc- and yes we took pics with them all- even the homeless- and we paid for them!! AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST- the ENTIRE REASON FOR MY TRIP-THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART- CEZANNE TO PICASSO EXHIBITION!!! We spent 4 hours in the museum and it was not near enough time to see it all- but we did cover my favorites- Greek, French and Roman Renaissance Sculpture and Painting, Egyptian art- and MODERN ART----I got to goo and gah over Picasso, Kandisky, Jasper Johns, Max Ernst, Cezanne and that is just to name a few!!
We had a blast! I could not have went with a better friend than Tanya- she loved the city as much as me! We enjoyed every part of the trip and we just could not quit smiling!!

DECEMBER 17, 2006 "SEVEN YEARS"

Sunday, December 17, 2006
Seven Years Current mood: thoughtful Category: Life
I am finally coming to the realization and dealing with the reality of the fact that I spent seven years of my life on someone who did not love me, abused me emotionally and physically, did not let me have friends, did not let me spend time with my family, made me feel insecure and worthless, talked horrible to me, did not help me raise our kids the way he should have, never stood up for me, lied to me, cheated on me, controlled me, was selfish, had a substance abuse problem that he tried to hide from me and made my life just down right miserable- all the while my kids are watching him do this!!!!!! I went through the ups and most of the time downs of my marriage while also staying home raising my kids and putting myself through college- I look back now and I am amazed of all the things I persevered through and still kept my sanity, was a good mom and made good grades- oh yes....and graduated from college- cannot forget that one! And believe me- he did everything in his power to make that hard for me- did not help with the kids so I could study and do homework, even stole my computer one time that had my work on it!!! I look back now and I feel like I do not even know the person I used to be- I cannot believe let someone treat me like that! How painful that had to have been for my kid and my family to watch me go through that! I have made great strides in the six months towards gaining back my confidence, independence and happiness! No longer can he steal my joy- it is mine to keep! I let him take away my peace, joy, happiness and pretty much everything I thought I was- and now- I am getting all those things back- it is good to be back- my family tells me all the time how much they missed the "real Ashley"......for seven years......
At first I was just sooo relieved to be out of the relationship that I did not grasp the severity of the time I lost....that lasted until about a month ago. I am finally coming to terms with how sad my life has been most of my adult life. It is a sad, heartbreaking reality. It makes me want to stay single forever, never get close to anyone, never trust again and not to mention the regret and anger that I deal with EVERYDAY!!! I am not bitter- just VERY guarded- and VERY picky- but I DO KNOW there are good men out there- I have several of them as close friends- even dated one- but I am in no way ready for a good man to come my way- I need ME TIME!!!!
I need to regroup and get to know myself again- ME WITHOUT HIM!!! I know God will reveal in time- the PURPOSE in the TIME I spent in SUFFERING and HEARTACHE- I know HE heard my cries and HE saw my tears and HE gave me the courage to leave and take my children and make a new HOME for US! God has blessed ME with an awesome My family- sister, parents, grandparent- have been my rock- always here to help- always here to listen and always loving me!
I know I have the two best things my ex will ever do in his life- their names are Daxon and Madison- they are precious and wonderful- and thankfully more llike me than him (because he was not around enough). I just hope one day they see how much I tried to make my marriage to their father work, how much I sacrificed and how I am still sacrificing so we can be happy and safe! I am sad for them that they had to watch their dad abuse me and that they have never seen real love or seen how a man should REALLY treat a woman. I love being a mother and never for one second do I regret having my kids- I just wish they had a different dad- someone who would teach them good values, respect me and genuinely love us for all the right reasons and not use the love I have for my kids to hurt me! I am glad that I have my kids- they keep me grounded and make me feel like I am doing something good when they accomplish things and even when they just smile and tell me they love me! I am so proud of them!
Seven years is such a long time to go without love, companionship, happiness and peace- I am sad that I will never have that time back but I am thankful that I was able to grow into the person I am now. I certainly learned a lot about HOW NOT TO treat someone in a relationship and how I WILL NEVER AGAIN let someone treat me bad! I demand respect and I surround myself with people that make me laugh and build me up. Every night when I lay my head on my pillow to go to sleep- I love the peace and quiet- I love not worrying about where someone is at, why they did not come home, if they will come home, why they are mad, feeling bad about a fight and not feeling that sickness in my heart and stomach because I am with someone who does not love me. I cannot believe I put up with that madness and heartache for sooo long! Shame on my parents for teaching me not to give up on things and put my all of my heart and soul in everything I do- LOL....but really- my life is right where I want it to be right now- good friends, love my job, I own my own home, my kids are healthy and happy and I am super happy! I do know the next time I give my heart to someone- they will deserve it, earn it and handle it with care!
So as I start a new year- I will celebrate the fact that I AM reclaiming my life! While I know the years cannot be replaced- I can certainly make sure the next seven years and beyond are happy and peaceful!!!

DECEMBER 10, 2006 "CHRISTMAS IN NEW YORK CITY"

Sunday, December 10, 2006
Christmas in New York City!!!! Current mood: ecstatic Category: Travel and Places
So I only have 10 more days until I leave for New York City- that's right- I am going for 3 days- the 20th-23rd with a dear friend of mine- we are going to the Met- Picasso and Cizanne are on exhibition there- we are shopping for Manola Blahniks- we are going to the see the Statue of Liberty- we are going to Rockefeller Center to shop all day and night- going to see David Letterman- and just living it up in the city- we are staying at the Broadway Millenium Hotel and it is soooo super nice!

I just cannot wait and cannot hardly sleep I am just soooo excited! I cannot wait to share the pics!

It is my dream trip come true- you never know- maybe Italy will be next!

I love having good friends that love me and make me happy- right now- life is perfect!

here is the link to our hotel-
http://www.millenniumhotels.com/millenniumnewyork/


I just love it!!!