Tuesday, December 14, 2010
For My Better Half From Your Infertile Wife
If it weren't for my Hubby I truly believe I would've lost my mind long ago. I have to give him props for marrying me knowing I was infertile and it would take LOTS of money, time and IVF to have a baby with me. Not many men would sign up for that and I am thankful everyday that he is spiritually strong enough to handle it all and be a good Hubby. He really is a saint in my book. I think couples who struggle with infertility and especially those who took the trek down the IVF road have a unique connection to one another not just as husband and wife but as rock solid partners in the treacherous waters of the unknown.
He has been so supportive and so unwavering throughout our marriage and especially through our IVF journey. He NEVER ONCE complained about giving me shots before he went to work in the morning or before we went to bed at night. He was so strong during our two week wait and he has never said a negative word about our IVF ending in a chemical pregnancy. The endless hours of my crying, talking and worrying would be enough to make any sane person crazy but he has been amazing. His love, hugs, kisses, hard work, support, kind words, reassurance, faith and partnership have blessed me beyond measure.
Even though I know we are both hurt, sad and disappointed we haven't lost touch of our love for each, if anything, we are stronger now than we ever were. The other day I said to him "what if IVF never works for us?"...his reply- "Then it's not part of God's plan for us to have children"...my reply- "Do you sometimes wish you would've married someone who could give you children the conventional way?"...his reply- "I love you babe- and that love is unconditional- kids or no kids". Yes, I know, he is pretty much the best. I knew that is how he felt but these days...I need to hear the words so I can sleep at night. Within the realm of infertility is a danger zone of insecurity and self loathing and sometimes I just need the assurance that no matter what I will have my Hubby and he loves me UNCONDITIONALLY. Maybe he should "post it note" it to my night stand just so I can read it when those negative thoughts creep into my mind?
Being loved unconditionally is a new gig for me. Before Hubby came along I had never experienced unconditional love. I am thankful every second I am blessed with his love. I know Love is God's gift to us and I thank Him everyday for giving me my Hubby's unconditional love- what an awesome gift! He really is my best friend and I pray and live for the day when God blessed with us with our own bundle of joy but for now I am enjoying the blessing of amazing Hubby and his unconditional love.
Babe, if you are reading this...I love you so MUSH! :)
1 Corinthians 13:13
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.