End of the Football Season

Mady cheered at her last regular season Saturday and Daxon's team finished their season. Because of his broken arm he was not able to play- he was very disappointed about that fact! Poor Little Guy!

It seems that every year the cheer and football season that we look forward to all summer comes and goes in a flash! I have decided that my kids are growing up too fast and I wish I could pause this time with them. It is such an awesome time and their ages are perfect. They don't have drama in their lives with friends, dating or school and they still love being with their momma! Mady has just started the beginning stages of wanting to stay the night with her BFF every weekend. That has been hard for me because I hate giving up anytime extra time with them since they go to their dads every other weekend.

All in all this season has been adventurous. Mady was on a huge cheer squad with 20+ girls but they did an amazing job and the girls all worked so well together. Although Daxon's team did not win any games he still LOVES football and is looking forward to next year. He played receiver for the first time this year and he is still learning that position but has a great attitude and I am super proud of him!

So ending the season I have to say I am super proud of my little Bulldogs! Love them sooo much!

Horrific CRAMPS with a side of HOT FLASHES

Okay all you guys- close your eyes if you don't like hearing about the ugly truths pertaining to Menstrual Cycles!

So my RE put me on birth control in September to control my cycles and time it perfect for my IVF. I skipped my period that should have came the first week of October because they have you stay on the active pills until they are ready for Aunt Flow to come visit. Well my last BCP was Tuesday evening. On my IVF calendar it said to expect my period on Thursday or Friday so I was thrilled when it came right on time Thursday evening. No big deal just some spotting, then medium flow Friday, some cramping started Friday evening but at 4 this morning OH MY DEAR AUNT MOLLY the cramping was UNREAL! Seriously I thought I was going to throw up the pain was so intense!

I woke my hubby at 4 am and he made me a make shift heat pad by heating up a hand towel and putting it in plastic bag. We repeated this process every 15 minutes until he left for work at 6 am. I finally went to sleep at 6:30 and was relieved beyond all relief when I woke up at 9:00 am pain free!

WOWZER! I cannot get over how intense the cramping was. I thought I was probably passing blood clots but they have yet to be found. I have no idea what the pain was all about but a little warning or notice would have been nice so I could have at least invested in some Pamprin or Midol beforehand.

To make matters worse- I wanted to stay warm because the cold only make the cramping worse and I was having HOT FLASHES at the same time so I just stayed covered up sweating my life away. I hope this was the worst of Aunt Flow and I also hope this is the last of her I have to see for another 10 months!

I keep reminding myself this will all pay off in the end and how blessed I am to be able to afford and go through this process! I am sure God thought I was dying this morning when He heard the prayers coming from me! ;) Thanks for giving me relief...not sure I could handle that kind of pain all day long!

One Week In

Here I am...one week in...on fertility meds. Quite honestly I am surprised I have not transformed into a mad woman but there have certainly been side effects I am not fond of. I have also stopped using the birth control pill as of Tuesday (which did cause some major mood swings) and Aunt Flow has come to visit me. She hasn't been to town since August because of the BCP so it's not been a fun last few days. I am ready for her to leave! Thanks!

So let's talk meds and side effects.

Dexamethasone: my daily steroid I take in the morning. Bloating, cravings and sleeplessness are the main side effects. I have had a little all of three but nothing major. I have had two sleepless nights. I think my cravings might be caused mainly by Aunt Flow. But I am determined to continue my weight loss so I am keeping all that eating under control!

Lupron: my morning injection of hormones. YES I do get hot flashes and I feel dry and thirsty pretty much 24/7. At church last Sunday I was in hot flash city, thankfully the Bulletin program came in handy and was my fan all during church and lunch. A friend of mine and her mom were actually chuckling at me during lunch because they knew what I was going through. I am doing my best not to become a sweat ball so this nice cool Fall weather is very welcomed at my house! I have been increasingly tired and I feel like by 5:00 I have HIT THE WALL for the day and the couch is calling my name! But usually my workout curves most of this.

I still cannot give myself my shots but Hubby has been a TOTAL TROOPER and gives me my shot every morning before he goes to work. We've gotten over any little bumps and he is confident and a shot giving pro now! I am super thankful and proud of him! I love him dearly!

Amidst the hormones, hot sweats & tiredness my son broke his arm Tuesday at school. I was very proud that I did not have an emotional break down. But I have to admit after 4 hours at the hospital going through xrays and waiting to get a cast, that doctors office was getting smaller and smaller and the bickering back and forth between my two children was quickly wearing thin on my patience. Thankfully their dad showed up the last half hour for the casting and the kids starting behaving better. Whew! Never thought I'd be glad to see my ex husband but that day...I WAS! Dax chose a PINK cast for Breast Cancer Awareness...that made me super proud! I have awesome kids!

I got up at 5:30 this morning and drove to Owasso to get my E2 Level blood work done. I was back by 6:45 and the kids got home from their overnight visit with their dad at 7:00. So I am patiently waiting the results of that STAT lab work and hoping for good numbers. I am not sure what it means if the numbers are not good and I hope I don't have to find out. But things seem to be rocking along quite normally and for that I am entirely grateful. My prayers have daily been focused on asking for God's will in this entire situation. It really calms me knowing He is in control and His will be done in this no matter what the outcome.

"Acting a FOOL!"

So today is DAY ONE of my meds...I started my Lupron injection and steroid this morning.

Lupron is injected using an insulin syringe into either your stomach or upper thigh. This medication suppresses your Pituitary Glands so the docs can later give you meds to manipulate your system as they want or need to. I hear that the main side effects are menopausal symptoms like hot sweats, etc. So far so good! I am still feeling normal today! Praise Jesus!

The steroid Dexamethasone is a tablet. It also suppresses. But this time my immune system. This is to ensure that when they implant the embryo(s) that my body does not reject them thinking they are a foreign invader of some kind. I am thinking this will make me feel the worse just because I will be suseptible to more ailments and illness since my Immune System will be no more for a while. The main side effects are swelling, water retention, sleeplessness and night sweats. Sounds fun huh?

NOW let's talk SHOTS! Ummm....yeah....I pretty much ACTED A FOOL this morning! Thank God my mom was here visiting and pretty much had to take over and just stick me before I had a nervous breakdown right there in my kitchen with syringe in one hand and my stomach fat for the injection in the other. It was quite a sight I am certain! The chaos went on for nearly 30 minutes. I would countdown 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....I CANT DO IT! Then I actually pricked myself a few times for practice and that made it worse! I told my mom I was scared I would slap her if she gave it to me and actually screamed a few times when she came at me with the needle. There were tears and we even got the giggles. It was just out of control.

Just the idea of sticking myself with a needle was overwhelming to me this morning! I am hoping that I get better at it because I would hate for my hubby to have to give me all my shots from here on...he leaves for work at like 5:30 so getting up that early just get shot in the stomach just does not appeal to me!

I really thought I was going to be a BIG GIRL and do this! My mom even said one time "okay if you are going to do this yourself you need to put on your BIG GIRL PANTIES and just do it!". Thankfully, because of my mom's illnesses she is well practiced in giving shots and as soon as she stuck me it was over in like one second, didn't even hurt and I felt like the biggest BABY and FOOL! Geez! I am really praying this gets better and I can overcome this fear of sticking myself because I know I have been through worse physically and done worse- I mean I have had TWO KIDS! This is nothing compared to that business!

Hoping tomorrow morning I do not act fool with the hubby...he might rethink this whole baby thing...LOL

The BIRDS and the BEES

My kids are at "that age" where you don't really want to have the birds and bees talk but they are smart enough and inquisitive enough to want to know the details of IVF...so I am stuck explaining to them in the most scientific of terms about the "sperm" meeting the "egg" in the petri dish and so forth. I suppose this is less uncomfortable than the "other version" of the birds and the bees. A questions has arose from my children, as from many other people, "what if you put in two eggs?" my response is always "then we might have twins".

I was at the school PTO "Thrills and Chills" party last night and one of my daughter's friends comes up to me and says "You might be having twins if they put in two eggs when you go to Vegas to have a baby". I had to laugh! This was so verbatim from Mady's mouth I am certain of it. The little girl was so innocent, sweet and matter of fact in the way she said it that I could think of no other reply than "you are right- I might!".

This really got me thinking that my 3rd grader was inadvertently giving our "IVF Birds and Bees" talk to her friends at school. I am not sure how some parents might feel about this and I am hoping that not all her friends think this is the only way of conception. Or that a trip to Vegas constitutes getting pregnant with twins! I can only imagine the phone calls I might receive from some inquisitive parents who do not already know about my IVF Journey and whose child comes home telling them I might been having twins if we put in two eggs when we go to Vegas!

Oh the joys of motherhood and the innocence of childhood!

My last days of "Normalcy"

I am closing in on the beginning of my fertility meds...I am looking at this week as my last week as a "normal" person (which could be debatable by some lol). I have to admit that the Hubby and I went out to eat Saturday and I enjoyed a frozen margarita because I knew it might be last for a loooong while! I have lost 11 pounds and I am still hoping to lose 10 more before I leave in 21 days. This week will be quite busy- Monday is the Fall Party at the kids' school and I have, of course, volunteered to decorate, read stories and clean up so my entire day will be packed. Tuesday I plan to get ready for a garage sale we are having at my sisters house Thursday and Friday, Wednesday I am working at the church and Thursday and Friday I am working the garage sale. So this week of having normal hormone levels will fly by, which is good thing since the Hubby will be gone again this week (thankfully his last week to work out of town).

I plan to enjoy my time with the kiddos as much as I can...I am already dreading leaving them for 11 days but I know they will be fine with their dad and having a baby is what we ALL want so we are all okay with it! I have forewarned them about the medications (see the picture- my son's reaction to the large amounts of meds is priceless) and they have promised to help me all they can and be on their best behavior throughout this process. I have such amazing kids they really are THE BEST just like My Hubby! I love love love them!

Friday I start Lupron, which is the hormone they give to women who are going into menopause. I also start a steroid called dexamethasone. I think my diet and exercise will help curve the negative side effects of both of these medications. I am a little apprehensive because my Hubby will be out of town working Friday so I will be giving myself my FIRST Lupron injection in the tummy! I am trying to get my mind right all week so I don't chicken out and have to ask for help! This is our journey and I really do not want to impose on family or friends especially while packing a syringe! SO please be praying for me Friday morning as I give myself this shot...I plan to put on my big girl panties and JUST DO IT!!!!

The LUCKY ONES

So in the midst of all the crazy preparation for IVF my hubby has been sent out of town to work...I am really missing him! I know its sounds somewhat pathetic and whiny but really I do not like being away from him at all! It is bad enough when he works 10-12 hours a day while I am mostly at home. I count down the hours until he gets home so I can talk to him and see his precious face. Him being gone from home has made me realize things I know I already knew but seem more of a big deal to me now.

1- I love being married to him...I just do in every possible way! I love it love it love it!

2- He is the best husband ever- he gives and he loves unconditionally and with all he has!

3- God has blessed us- over and over again with a love so strong- really there just is not words describe it!

4- My passion for him is out of this world! Every time we kiss seriously it's like the first time we kissed- we truly desire each other and I think that makes for a happy healthy marriage!

So wrapping this up I have to admit that it is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder in many ways...just when I thought I could not possibly love this man anymore than I already did- boom! My cup runeth over and over! He did put the sweetest thing on his Facebook page last night- "Missin home and the wife! Love u babe! Now off to bed!" AWE! How sweet was that? The man who NEVER gets on Facebook put something lovey dovey on there just for me. He's truly a blessing in my life and I am thankful every second of every day that God allowed me to meet him, fall in love with him and marry him! I am a lucky woman and we are the LUCKY ONES!

Cycle Buddies

In the world of IVF there is a certain lingo and online community that exists among fellow IVFers one of my favorites is Cycle Buddies!

Sure there are women I know who are getting pregnant or having babies left and right- like it's easy! Come on- I know I have been one of those women before but that is a certain past time. I feel connected more so to women who are like me- dealing with infertility, trying to conceive and going to great financial and time constraints to do so.

That is why I am so thankful for Cycle Buddies! These women are going through IVF at the same time as me and some of them have already been this road several times before and have a lot of wisdom to share. I have found tons of support, information and encouragement from these women and I am so thankful for modern technology that has allowed me to connect with them and share our journeys.

IVF can be a lonely journey because let's face itnot very many people from my neck of the woods are flying to Vegas to try to have a baby! I am a total loner in that department. The more I share my journey the more I found out that people are oblivious as to how IVF even works. I will have to write a blog soon on all the silly questions I've been asked. Oh the laughs you will have!

But for now, in this moment, I am entirely 150% thankful for online discussions boards and communities so I can share my story, listen to everyone elses stories and swap wisdoms and strengths! It has been a blessings and I wish all my Cycle Buddies many baby blessings to come!

Lucky Number 17

So for those of you who know my Hubby you know his favorite/lucky number is 17!! His jersey number in school was always 17 and we got married on November 17th so we were thrilled when we got our IVF med and cycle calendar and our first date for possible Egg Transfer is November 17th! What an awesome Anniversary gift that would be to get a baby for our 3 year anniversary! Awe! It's just so meant to be! I am getting so excited!

We are on the countdown...32 days! I cannot believe how fast time is flying by. It amazes me!

Nobel Peace Prize for Inventor of IVF

This is copied from Dr. Sher's Blog:

"Robert Edwards and Patrick Steptoe introduced human in vitro fertilization with the birth of the world’s first IVF baby, Louise Brown in 1978. In the ensuing 3+ decades an estimated 4 million IVF births have brought tremendous joy to their blessed parent and hope to millions of other infertile individuals and couples.

The granting of a Nobel Prize to the remaining survivor of the Steptoe-Edwards team, although having come late, is nevertheless highly laudable. I can tell you from personal experience that Patrick Steptoe never believed that he and his partner, Robert Edwards, would ever be recognized by the medical fraternity for the pioneering work they had done.

My mind goes back to an evening in the latter part of the 80’s when my wife, Charlene and I had dinner with Patrick Steptoe at the Carnelian Room ( a beautiful restaurant atop the Bank of America building in San Franciso) on the very last day he spent in the United States. Dr Steptoe had been attending an American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) congress in the Bay Area. Towards the end of the evening, he broke the news to us that he had advanced prostate cancer and that he would probably never see us again. He went on to express disappointment at what he called the stifling bureaucracy and the political infighting inherent in our field, which had denied him and Dr. Robert Edwards due recognition for their work. He was convinced that they were destined to be overlooked for a long time. I remember telling him that this would not prevail and that ultimately and inevitably he and Dr. Edwards would be recognized for their pioneering work in the IVF field. He insisted that this would not be during either of their lifetimes. We drove him back to his hotel and watched sadly as he waved good bye from the wheelchair in which he was being transported from our car, back into the hotel.

The reason for this story is to highlight the significance of the great honor that has finally been bestowed on the remaining member of the team, Robert Edwards, now 85 years of age and in poor health. It is certainly well deserved, but indeed, long overdue. I can imagine Dr. Steptoe looking down and smiling on this.

What can I add about Robert Edwards that has not already been said? He is a brilliant and honest scientist without whom the advent of human IVF might well have been set back by a few decades. Dr. Edwards can be regarded as the elder statesman of the field. His innovations, guidance and wisdom are legendary. Every time he delivers a keynote address at a medical conference you can hear a pin drop. There is always something new that he has to offer, suggest and contribute. Above all, Robert Edwards is a gentleman and a mentor to many. I recall visiting him at his home in England some time back and discussing some of my own ideas with him. You could just feel that you were in the presence of greatness. And his advice which was always direct and relevant, was invariably delivered gently and in good taste. To this day, I am always uplifted by his presence and his wisdom.

I find it tragic that after more than 30 years and all the IVF babies that now grace our world, there should still be a quarrel between the Roman Catholic church and our discipline. Surely the time has come to start rethinking the premise upon which the prejudice was based and to bury the hatchet. If intent to do good is a hallmark of piety then both Drs. Steptoe and Edwards will receive the ultimate reward. After all, there are at least 4 million humans that have resulted from IVF, many of whom are of the Catholic persuasion, and all of whom are no less precious than any other of God’s creations."

Thank to those men for inventing IVF so that my husband and I have a chance at having a baby of our own!!!

Fertile Thoughts

I am ecstatic to announce to my fellow readers that I have lost 6 pounds since starting my IVF Diet 10 days ago! Weight loss is so funny- it is always so easy to gain the weight and always ever so hard to lose. This time around, compared to when I lost 80 pounds after having my daughter, it is much harder and easier at the same time. Even though I was just 22 when I lost it with her and the weight just fell off I was losing it for different reasons that I am now. I was still able to eat what I wanted as long I ran and worked out on a daily. Let's face it I am almost 31 now and losing weight is hard! It's not about diet and exercise as much as it is about lifestyle and setting goals!

This time around I am 100% focused on my goal- which is to be the healthiest I can possibly be before we do IVF to increase our chances of success! It's not just about weight loss it's about living healthy. I have changed my way of thinking about food, exercise and taking care of myself. I have changed my eating habits, sleeping habits, thinking habits and increased my exercise level. I am committed to only drinking water, cutting out meat, junk food of any kind and thinking organic all the way! From Shampoo to Food it is all natural! It is very hard to fix one thing for my family for dinner and watch them eat it while eat a protein packed salad! BUT as long as I keep it yummy I know I will be fine with it!

I am amazed at the results. For the first week I felt like I was literally going to starve to death but after the first week my body has adjusted to smaller portions, healthier food and a new way of living! We have 35 days until I leave for Vegas and I plan to lose 10 more pounds...at this rate I am thinking it will be more! I truly have never felt better! I am keeping focused on my goal with fertile thoughts at the forefront!

"HE slash SHE"

Yesterday after school my children were moping around about going to their dads for the weekend. Of course the usual comments were made "I don't want to go" and "Why can't we just stay home?". Then Dax looks at me like he had a sudden epiphany of the century and says, "I already feel sorry for my little brother or sister, when we have to go to our dads for the weekends, HE slash SHE will be lonely without US!". Then Mady replies, "No HE slash SHE won't, we will be like ten years older than HE slash SHE so it won't even notice we are gone".

Oh geez, I had to laugh out loud. Not only at the "he slash she" verbiage but also at the fact that the kids are already thinking about he slash she. Dax is constantly saying things like "I can't wait to be the oldest of 3 and mentor of 2" and Mady "I hope you have a girl, I want a sister"then she will retract and say "Never mind I don't want to share my shopping budget with another girl" same for Dax with the brother, he wants a "little buddy"!

The fact that my kids will be older siblings makes me even more excited about the possibility of having a baby. They will be such great role models and love he slash she so much! I can't wait to add another awesome kiddo to my bunch, especially a BRYANT one!

Honestly, what I wanted to reply to the he slash she comment was that, "Don't worry he slash she will have a good time getting into all your things in your bedrooms while you are gone!". Oh the days I remember when my younger siblings would do the same to me! BUT I don't to diminish their hopes of the perfect sibling trio so I will keep those thoughts to myself!

Ultimately I cannot wait until he slash she is a reality for our family and I am sure he slash she will miss it's older siblings every other weekend but it won't be lonely- it will have LOTS of LOVE!

The "WHAT IFS"

Living in a small town that you also grew up in has its pros and cons. I love my hometown and I love most of the people here as well. Along with knowing and loving lots of lots of people comes lots and lots of people with lots and lots of questions. This is part of the reason why I wanted to blog about this journey because I was constantly being asked "What if you have twins?" or "Why do you have to do IVF?". Now I can just tell everyone to read my blog! Saves me lots of talking! ;)

Now my favorite WHAT IF question so far has been "What if you have twins?" Well...let's explore this little WHAT IF!!! Yes, if we have two healthy embryos we will transfer TWO! So the possibly is real and a little scary!

If we have twins- I will most likely lose my mind a time or two, never get any sleep, money will be tight and I will quite possibly want to cry my eyes out on a daily for quite a while but at the end of the day I will be wholeheartedly thankful that God blessed Dustin and I with not only one but two precious babies that I know we will be awesome parents to!

I love my hubby, he is an awesome father to my children and loves them like his own. He is my rock in everything I do, struggle with or ponder. I know that IF we have twins my hubby will be by my side helping me along the way in every possible way! Just knowing that I have him makes that WHAT IF seem not so scary! AND I know that his rock solid awesome family, especially my mother in law, will help me tremendously!

So this WHAT IF is settled...I will be blessed either way and thankful no matter what!