DECEMBER 29, 2006 "DINNER AND A MOVIE"

Friday, December 29, 2006
Dinner and a Movie Current mood: excited
So tonight we are recooperating from a lllllooooonnnngggg week of fun times, good times, great times, laughs and BOOM- there you go!!! AND AGAIN!!!
Seriously- I am making the most of my time of my Christmas Break....spending time with the kids and my friends!
BUT tonight- its me time- or shall I say- girl time! We are doing dinner and a movie at the good ole' bachelorette pad of ARC! It is a long time overdue- we need some serious be the man talks!

Lots of changes are taking place right now in my life- all for the good of course- and sometimes its good just to regroup, talk it out, maybe even cry a little and spend time with the girls- all over dinner and a movie!

DECEMBER 27, 2006 "HOME FROM NEW YORK CITY"

THIS IS THE ENTIRE REASON FOR THE TRIP PICASSO & CEZANNE ON EXHIBITION AT THE MET

Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Home from New York City!!! Current mood: excited Category: Travel and Places
I just have to say that four days in the Big Apple was not long enough!! We did all the tours and sightseeing our bodies could handle- pretty sure we walked about 20 miles!! Tanya and I both decided that we belong in Manhattan and someday we are going to move there!! We almost did want to come home- believe me we tried to think of ways to get our kids up there and just stay forever!!! There was not one thing about that city that I did not absolutely love- even with people having no personal space! By the end of our trip we were taking there subway here and there.....crossing the street when the sign said not to cross and being the New Yorkers we were meant to be!!! We got to see the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, The BIG TREE at Rockefeller Center, Harlem, The East and West Village, The Cathedral of Saint John the Divine, Macy's, The Plaza, Central Park, Times Sqaure (everyday when we walked out of our hotel), the 3 story Toys R Us in Times Square, the biggest book store in NEw York City- 18 miles of books- I was in heaven!!! AND all the homeless people, people on the streets dressed up as Spiderman, Spongebob, King Kong, etc- and yes we took pics with them all- even the homeless- and we paid for them!! AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST- the ENTIRE REASON FOR MY TRIP-THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART- CEZANNE TO PICASSO EXHIBITION!!! We spent 4 hours in the museum and it was not near enough time to see it all- but we did cover my favorites- Greek, French and Roman Renaissance Sculpture and Painting, Egyptian art- and MODERN ART----I got to goo and gah over Picasso, Kandisky, Jasper Johns, Max Ernst, Cezanne and that is just to name a few!!
We had a blast! I could not have went with a better friend than Tanya- she loved the city as much as me! We enjoyed every part of the trip and we just could not quit smiling!!

DECEMBER 17, 2006 "SEVEN YEARS"

Sunday, December 17, 2006
Seven Years Current mood: thoughtful Category: Life
I am finally coming to the realization and dealing with the reality of the fact that I spent seven years of my life on someone who did not love me, abused me emotionally and physically, did not let me have friends, did not let me spend time with my family, made me feel insecure and worthless, talked horrible to me, did not help me raise our kids the way he should have, never stood up for me, lied to me, cheated on me, controlled me, was selfish, had a substance abuse problem that he tried to hide from me and made my life just down right miserable- all the while my kids are watching him do this!!!!!! I went through the ups and most of the time downs of my marriage while also staying home raising my kids and putting myself through college- I look back now and I am amazed of all the things I persevered through and still kept my sanity, was a good mom and made good grades- oh yes....and graduated from college- cannot forget that one! And believe me- he did everything in his power to make that hard for me- did not help with the kids so I could study and do homework, even stole my computer one time that had my work on it!!! I look back now and I feel like I do not even know the person I used to be- I cannot believe let someone treat me like that! How painful that had to have been for my kid and my family to watch me go through that! I have made great strides in the six months towards gaining back my confidence, independence and happiness! No longer can he steal my joy- it is mine to keep! I let him take away my peace, joy, happiness and pretty much everything I thought I was- and now- I am getting all those things back- it is good to be back- my family tells me all the time how much they missed the "real Ashley"......for seven years......
At first I was just sooo relieved to be out of the relationship that I did not grasp the severity of the time I lost....that lasted until about a month ago. I am finally coming to terms with how sad my life has been most of my adult life. It is a sad, heartbreaking reality. It makes me want to stay single forever, never get close to anyone, never trust again and not to mention the regret and anger that I deal with EVERYDAY!!! I am not bitter- just VERY guarded- and VERY picky- but I DO KNOW there are good men out there- I have several of them as close friends- even dated one- but I am in no way ready for a good man to come my way- I need ME TIME!!!!
I need to regroup and get to know myself again- ME WITHOUT HIM!!! I know God will reveal in time- the PURPOSE in the TIME I spent in SUFFERING and HEARTACHE- I know HE heard my cries and HE saw my tears and HE gave me the courage to leave and take my children and make a new HOME for US! God has blessed ME with an awesome My family- sister, parents, grandparent- have been my rock- always here to help- always here to listen and always loving me!
I know I have the two best things my ex will ever do in his life- their names are Daxon and Madison- they are precious and wonderful- and thankfully more llike me than him (because he was not around enough). I just hope one day they see how much I tried to make my marriage to their father work, how much I sacrificed and how I am still sacrificing so we can be happy and safe! I am sad for them that they had to watch their dad abuse me and that they have never seen real love or seen how a man should REALLY treat a woman. I love being a mother and never for one second do I regret having my kids- I just wish they had a different dad- someone who would teach them good values, respect me and genuinely love us for all the right reasons and not use the love I have for my kids to hurt me! I am glad that I have my kids- they keep me grounded and make me feel like I am doing something good when they accomplish things and even when they just smile and tell me they love me! I am so proud of them!
Seven years is such a long time to go without love, companionship, happiness and peace- I am sad that I will never have that time back but I am thankful that I was able to grow into the person I am now. I certainly learned a lot about HOW NOT TO treat someone in a relationship and how I WILL NEVER AGAIN let someone treat me bad! I demand respect and I surround myself with people that make me laugh and build me up. Every night when I lay my head on my pillow to go to sleep- I love the peace and quiet- I love not worrying about where someone is at, why they did not come home, if they will come home, why they are mad, feeling bad about a fight and not feeling that sickness in my heart and stomach because I am with someone who does not love me. I cannot believe I put up with that madness and heartache for sooo long! Shame on my parents for teaching me not to give up on things and put my all of my heart and soul in everything I do- LOL....but really- my life is right where I want it to be right now- good friends, love my job, I own my own home, my kids are healthy and happy and I am super happy! I do know the next time I give my heart to someone- they will deserve it, earn it and handle it with care!
So as I start a new year- I will celebrate the fact that I AM reclaiming my life! While I know the years cannot be replaced- I can certainly make sure the next seven years and beyond are happy and peaceful!!!

DECEMBER 10, 2006 "CHRISTMAS IN NEW YORK CITY"

Sunday, December 10, 2006
Christmas in New York City!!!! Current mood: ecstatic Category: Travel and Places
So I only have 10 more days until I leave for New York City- that's right- I am going for 3 days- the 20th-23rd with a dear friend of mine- we are going to the Met- Picasso and Cizanne are on exhibition there- we are shopping for Manola Blahniks- we are going to the see the Statue of Liberty- we are going to Rockefeller Center to shop all day and night- going to see David Letterman- and just living it up in the city- we are staying at the Broadway Millenium Hotel and it is soooo super nice!

I just cannot wait and cannot hardly sleep I am just soooo excited! I cannot wait to share the pics!

It is my dream trip come true- you never know- maybe Italy will be next!

I love having good friends that love me and make me happy- right now- life is perfect!

here is the link to our hotel-
http://www.millenniumhotels.com/millenniumnewyork/


I just love it!!!

DECEMBER 1, 2006 "PEOPLE OF THE LIE"

Friday, December 01, 2006
People of the Lie Current mood: ENLIGHTENED
MY SENIOR CAPSTONE PROJECT FOCUSED ON PROVINCIAL LIFE AND RELATIONSHIPS IN SMALL TOWNS- MOSTLY THE 19TH CENTURY. IT AMAZES ME HOW SO MANY PEOPLE REFUSE TO BREAKAWAY FROM THE SOCIETAL CONSTRAINTS OF EXPECTANCIES AND COURTESIES THAT DRAG PEOPLE DOWN TO LIVING IN A LIE RATHER THAN A MARRIAGE. I HAVE LIVED THE LIE IN A SMALL TOWN MARRIAGE AND NOW BEING SINGLE IN A SMALL TOWN HAS GIVEN ME AN ENLIGHTENMENT ABOVE AND BEYOND WHAT I HAD EXPECTED. I AM ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN ON SO MANY PEOPLE, THEIR MARRIAGES, THEIR FRIENDSHIPS AND EVEN THEIR SECRETS. I HAVE BEEN BEYOND SHOCKED AT THE AUDACITY OF LONELY MARRIED MEN WHO THINK JUST BECAUSE I AM SINGLE- I AM DESPERATE AND WOULD RESORT TO HAVING A SECRET RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ONLY TAKEN- BUT MARRIED- SERIOUSLY??? SO BECAUSE OF MY CURRENT EXPERIENCE WITH THIS SHOCKING REALITY OF LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD AT PUTTING ON A "GOOD FACE" FOR SHOW- WHEN ACTUALLY THEY ARE BARELY SPEAKING BEHING CLOSED DOORS AND LIVE IN LOVELESS MARRIAGES- BEEN THERE- DONE THAT- AND I TRULY FEEL FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE SUFFERING IN THESE HOMES. BUT ANYWAY- THIS EXPERIENCE HAS ENCOURAGED ME TO WRITE A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT THOSE WHO ARE LIVING THE LIE.......

Cordially waving, smiling, laughing- they are all around us- PEOPLE OF THE LIE. They go home to their loveless marriages, empty parenting and continue their mundane lives day in and day out. They volunteer at the schools, bake their food, dress their best, coach their kid's teams and put on a facade for the world. They sit in the same pew at church every Sunday and gladly pay their tithes- hoping they can buy their repentence and hide behind our God who knows our hearts- with their money and obedient attendance. They run their businesses, hold down good jobs, support their famlies and drive the newest SUV. They continue on- day after day- month after month- year after year- like robots marching in a parade- they become hallow shells of human beings. Their lie becomes them, envelopes them, consumes their children, blinds their friends, family and neighbors and gives them comfort in their misery!
WOE TO THE PEOPLE OF THE LIE!!!!!!!

"Some people did what their neighbors did so that if any lunatics were at large, one might know and avoid them. "
George Eliot, Middlemarch

NOVEMBER 13, 2006 "WHAT WE WANT"

Monday, November 13, 2006
What We Want Current mood: thankful Category: Romance and Relationships
If we could all go into relationships knowing what we want I just wonder if there would be less break ups, less divorce and more happiness?
First comes the hard part- figuring out what we want. Like many, I had to take the long, hard road to finally see what I wanted. I entered marriage with a jaded sense of what I wanted, knowing I did not want what I had but choosing to settle for less and blinding myself with the belief that I could "change him" and make him what I needed. Even though it took years of heartache, abuse, tears and pain I am glad that I have that experience- it allowed me to finally figure out what I want and what I absolutely DO NOT want.
I will admit that marriage was the most lonely time of my life. I was more lonely living with someone who do did not love me and looked at me with hatred than I am living without a man and sleeping alone every night. No longer am I lonely because I finally know what I want. It is that comfort of knowing that makes me fill fulfilled and whole inside. Even if it takes me years to find that someone that has what I want I can wake up each day with the security of knowing I will never live in misery again!
Honesty with each person we meet is essential to prevent hurt and regret in the long run. Just being up front about what we want is not going to hurt anyone- certainly not ourselves! Why waste time with someone who is not ready to settle down when you are? Why try to make a boy into a man? Why try to make someone who is completey unavailable emotionally love you? Why wait on someone's call who has better things to do than call you? Why obsess over someone who is already taken? Why maintain a connection with someone who says they do not want a relationship?Why waste your love, time and friendship on someone who does not appreciate it or see it for the treasure that it is?
Why don't we all just figure out what we want and stop wasting our time on people who do not want the same thing?????
So to those of you still playing that "dating game"-----the only words of wisdom I can give you is- what do you want? Find the answer to that....and only date others who want the same thing.....

NOVEMBER 2, 2006 "PUTTING ON MY...."

Thursday, November 02, 2006
Putting on my Current mood: hopeful Category: Life
A few months ago a very dear friend of mine gave me a print out that has a woman looking mean as ever and on it is the phrase "Put on your 'big girl' panties and deal with it!". I never knew how much this phrase would help me get through all the heartbreaking times I have been going through- until the last few days! I have learned to do exactly that- put on my "big girl" panties and deal with it! I am pretty sure that my skin could not be any thicker and my heart could not be any tougher! But one thing I do know is that I am not bitter, nor is my heart too broken to heal and love again and again and again- however many times it takes to find the one who deserves my love! God gave us love to use it- that is His "greatest gift" to us! I refuse to let a broken heart, broken promises, let downs, hurts, betrayal, lies and did I mention a broken heart? GET ME DOWN- I will not do it! Yes I cry, yes I get mad, yes I think about revenge and yes at times I wish things were different- but you know what- they are not and I have to just deal with it, pray about it, know God will take care of me and mine- like He always does- and MOVE ON!!!
So girls the best advice I can give any of you right now is just this-
"PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT"!!!!!!!!!!

OCTOBER 9, 2006 "DOING IT ALONE"

Monday, October 09, 2006
Doing it alone Current mood: pleased

SO today I took on the task of putting together a huge trampoline alone- without the help of another adult and let me just say- it was a sight to see!
There I was- leg hiked up on the trampoline pole, garden gloves on my hands, pulling the springs to the holes- it is not as easy as it might seem! Once it got down to the last 20 springs it was hard labor!!! I am sure the 50 people that drove my house and saw me in my front yard sweating, pulling, leg hiked up pushing the pole- thought I was a complete lunatic! BUT I promised my kids we would put the trampoline together today after school and darn it I was going to do it for them- and do it alone! I have not felt such accomplishment in a long time as I did when I got that last spring in its hole! My kids were so happy and so proud of my hard work- it was a proud moment of single motherhood- I love this journey of doing it alone! Very rewarding in more ways than one!
I love being a mom and I love my children- they make all this drama fade away and they are certainly worth the drama I have to put up with!

Thursday, September 07, 2006
I am WHO I am
Due to current events in my divorced life it has come to my attention- I AM WHO I AM- There is no changing me- I am a good person, an awesome mother, a loyal friend, tried to be a good wife and I am good at what I do professionally! So why is it that someone who claimed to love me for 7 years wants to do nothing but make up lies about me and try to bring me down?
I really do not get it! You give birth to someone's children- that right there should earn you a lifetime of at least RESPECT! But no not in my case! The hate voicemails, the mean looks, the slanderous rumors, the constant mind games with our children- it has to stop! Not to mention the fact that he won't pay child support, he hangs out with losers (and brings our son along with him), he won't pay daycare costs and he still claims to be a "good dad" and believe he will get joint custody- What in the world- Ignorance is truly bliss!!
I am not claiming to be a perfect person and I am the first one to tell anyone I meet that the knowledge and wisdom I have now is completely attributed to learning from mistakes in the past made by myself and my parents. I have a gold mine of mistakes made and lessons learned in my brain! But at least I deserve some peace, some respect and for once in the last 7 years- a little bit of happiness!! It hurts my soul and shakes me to the core when the person who is the father of my children does everything in his power to disrupt my world, hurt my feelings, confuse my children and make things difficult for me financially!
If there is anything I will teach my son it will be to respect his wife and cherish her as the mother of his children- that should be the new golden rule in this life!

SEPTEMBER 5, 2006 "MOVING UP"

Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Moving up Current mood: good
I do not like nor do I prefer the words "moving on"- I choose to use the phrase- "moving up". In all acutality when one parts from another- we set our standards higher (at least that is how it should be). We take the loss, let down, hurt and pain of the past relationship- learn from it- and come out a wiser person equipped with the ability to decipher the good from bad, the spoiled from the self-sufficient and the rotten from the primed.
So at this time in my life I want to say I am "moving up"- to better things, bigger places and people with morals, standards, goals, initiative and class. Is that too much to ask? I don't really think so- is that hard to find- certainly!

SEPTEMBER 1, 2006 "SLUMBER PARTY"

Friday, September 01, 2006
Slumber Party! Current mood: cheerful
So tonight my daughter is having her first all girl slumber party! She has been looking forward to this since we moved into our house- that is the first thing she asked- "can I have a slumber party now?"
She is so grown up about things- very much beyond her age in thinking and talking!
We are going to the Skiatook high school football game- I mean- who wants to miss out on the first game played on turf- quite a big deal in this small town! Then we are off to my house for pizza, makeup, dancing, music and all the sweets you can eat! What fun times! Growing up my house was always known as the slumber party house- once a month occurrence- now Mady can have that too and I am so excited about the many journeys I am going to take with her throughout her life!
so to all- be thinking of me when it is 3 a.m. and I am dead tired wishing these girls would stop screaming, giggling and eating all the sweets!
Good Times Always!
Have a good lllloooonnnngggg weekend to all!!!!

AUGUST 31, 2006 "DANCE TIME"

Thursday, August 31, 2006
Dance Time! Current mood: thankful
So my children and I are obsessed with music- just as I was as a child with both of my parents. Music was pivotal in my household growing up and without it I am pretty sure life would have been boring! This was before video games & before TV became a mind sucking magnet in households! We listenend to music while we ate dinner, cleaned house, played outside & music was always cranked up in my mom's van and every night before bed we had "dance time"- my mom, sister, and sometimes my brother (which would totally crack me up) every once in a while my dad would join in as well! What good times! Even after my parents divorced- I remember feeling complete, whole and validated by "dance time" at either my dad's or mom's house. As I grew older and got into junior high- dance time stopped being so fun and the phone became attached to my ear and boys became fixated in my mind and I slowly forgot about it all together.
Now that I am a mom and I don't have someone there bossing me around and telling me to "turn that music down"- I have made music in my house a permanent fixture! I must say that "dance time" in my house is the most fun it has been since I was kid and my parents were married!
My kids are hilarious when they dance! Let me tell you- my little girl has learned or inherited some moves- that make me blush! not really but they are pretty grown up and she just laughs and giggles while she shakes her "groove thing" I call it! My son is an entertainer- he won a dance contest at a birthday part last year- and since then I swear he thinks he is John Travolta- hence the reason he was "Danny Zucko" for Halloween and won the dress up contest at school on 50's day last year. He is all about making up "new moves" and wants my complete attention when he debuts them!
Dance Time this Tuesday night had me laughing so much- my cheeks hurt! We danced, danced, danced for 30 minutes, taking turns picking songs and showing off our "moves" and shaking our "groove thing".
As soon as I get home from work- the radio comes on and I do not turn it off- I sleep with it on in my room and in the morning put in my favorite burned CD from i-tunes whatever the mood may be- this week it is woman empowering songs/artists- like Sheryl Crow, Pink, Sarah MaClachlan & Stevie Nicks- and I sing while I get ready and turn it up for my kids when they wake up- they love it!
If you ever see me and my kids in my minivan- you will see all of us moving our heads to the beat of the music and singing as loud as possible! My kids are 4 and 6 and they already have "favorite songs", which is humorous because several of my friends give me a hard time because I have so many "favorite songs"...passing on the tradition- because you can never ever have too many favorite songs!
Music defines who I am and it makes my home a happy one! I am thankful to be in my house with my kids and finally in a place where Dance Time is celebrated! I know most of you have heard the saying "Music calms the beast"- certainly the case in my world! When I am down- I listen to motivational music, when I am excited- I listen to music that adds to my excitement....I have music for pretty much every mood! Music is so inspirational in my life!
As parents we need to provide music in our child's lives- so that they can utilize it when they are adults and need some encouragement or a boost in confidence, heal a broken heart or something to relate to their current life situation- music says it all in so many different ways!
We all need to have those special little things we do with our children other than attending their sporting events, practices, coaching their teams, volunteering at their school or taking them to the park- we need to have time in our homes that make our bond to our children strong! Story time is another great one- and ours gets pretty animated and out of control but it is so good for kids to be read to and I love reading!
So for all you parents- if you are looking for a way to connect with your children, add something fun to your daily routine or just be a kid again-
I highly recommend Dance Time- it is a sure winner!
I want to end this blog by saying "thanks" to my parents- who instilled in me many things- but the love of music has been one the timeless qualities I appreciate the most- so kudos to the padre and madre! As you ponder this blog and all that it entails- picture in your head Tom Cruise in Jerry MacGuire- driving down the road singing loudly Tom Petty's "Free Falling"- is there anyone that has not felt that way before? I doubt it- now go share that with your children- they deserve to know it, feel it, and celebrate it!

AUGUST 24, 2006 "HOME ALONE"

Thursday, August 24, 2006
Home Alone Current mood: satisfied
Last night I had a severe case of "sleepless in Skiatook"- the kids were at their dad's for their Wed. night visit and I was home alone in my new house- and it was toooooo quiet! Sure I got the random text every hour or so but actually not having someone there to talk to or another presence in my home was weird, awkward, relaxing, freaky, scary, nice and baffling all at the same time!
I got a lot done but it was still just so quiet! I have been a mother since I was 20 years old and I have become so accustomed to my kids being home or someone being there- either my ex or my sister- that I did not realize how quiet.......quiet could really be......After 7 years of noise last night I had my first taste of pure, complete, absolute- aloneness and silence- I am still turning it over in my head to decide if I hate it or like it- maybe a little bit of both- but either way- life is so different for me now- living alone, being alone, recognizing myself in the silence of a home that I can call mine- without someone there threatening to make me leave or telling me they do not want me there! Everything that surrounds me are things that are chosen by ME not forced upon myself by someone else!
I love that feeling.....My home is me, my kids are me, my friends are me, my things are me, my life is all about ME and my kids- nothing more- nothing less. The silence that surrounds me verifies, solidifies and justifies the fact that I am meant to have this time alone- in a house that is mine- no renting, no staying with my sister- it is mine- and I am making it all ABOUT ME and MY KIDS- for the first time in my adult life- and I have to say- life is so surreal!

August 14, 2006 "Goodbye Summer, Hello School Year"

Monday, August 14, 2006
Goodbye Summer, hello School year Current mood: content Category: Life

Well looks like come Thursday my summer will be officially coming to an end.....

AS the school year starts I am getting prepared for PTA meetings, coaching my cheer squad- very excited about that!!!, gymnastic practice, football pratice, putting together the first ever SBFA pep rally- should be fun!! All the while I am getting ready to move into my new house- I am so excited about that! I think I am closing on Thursday, painting and cleaning on Friday and Saturday and moving on Sunday- I cannot wait!! The kids are so ready too! I have bought all the odds and ends and new furniture- fresh new start- what a journey it has been to finally get here- the spot of complete and whole completion and satisfaction in my life, where I am, who I am and what is to come.......serenity....maybe....but certainly.....success and redemption......and witness to the fact that one can always pull themselves up from the deepest, darkest of holes and come out shining like a bright new star- except much smarter and wiser than ever before- and certainly equipped with the knowledge needed to prevent oneself from repeating past mistakes and being brought down again by anyone or anything!!!

Thanks to all my friends and family that gave me moral support and helped me get to the point I am now!! And mostly- thank you my Lord and Savior for blessing me with two awesome healthy children and daily strength and courage to be the mother they deserve to have!

AUGUST 30, 2006 "A WOMAN OF NO IMPORTANCE"

Wednesday, August 30, 2006
A Woman of No Importance Current mood: cold
Last night I was rummaging through my extensive book collection when I came across one of my old favorites...I almost felt a slight pang in my heart as I grabbed it up and starting flipping through the pages. I read this book about three years ago when my ex husband and I were going through a rough time (actually the entire marriage was a rough time- but this time was pretty bad). I was taking a class called "Women in Literature" as part of my English minor- this book opened my eyes to the many truths about men and women. Not that I was completely dumb to the truths beforehand but certainly had become blinded by love (marriage) for a period of time. Throughout the book I had made markings and put post-it notes on parts I felt were pertinant for grasping the concept and theme of the book. I came acroos a highlighted quote- that also had a "post it" on it noting-"SO TRUE REMEMBER THIS- ALWAYS" It read- "Men always want to be a woman's first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about things. What we like is to be a man's last romance" - "A Woman of No Importance" by Oscar Wilde. WOW!! I had forgotten this truth. I think that as women- that longing to be a man's last romance- gets us into trouble all too often. Why not just forget about love and romance- and decide- you know what- I love being single- I love not having a man in my house to pick up after, cook for and occupy my bed. It is so much less stress! Life is so much easier without a man! As for romance- that will come in when I am ready to meet the right person! So girls- remember the truth- embrace it- but just dont live by it- it saves a lot of wasted time, heartbreak, tears and stress!!!

AUGUST 2, 2006 "WHO I AM"

Wednesday, August 02, 2006
WHO I AM
Many times people are completely misconstrued by outer appearances or other's opinion and let that define who they think a person is....well this is WHO I AM.....
I am a good mother - my children are my EVERYTHING!!!
GOD comes first in my life- the rest falls into place! My Children are my #1 priority- bottom line!
I am there for my friends in good times and bad
I will not tolerate abuse of any kind because I am a survivor of domestic violence!
I surround myself with people who love God & life and want to make the most of it at all times!
I love my parents but they are divorced and we have certainly had our differences.
I think people who obsess over money and material possessions are extremely shallow and I limit the time I spend around them!
I appreciate people for who they are not what they have.
I love people who are HONEST
I will not tolerate liars, cheaters, thieves or bad friends!
I would rather be with a man who is not so hot and intelligent than a good looking with no brains!
I would never not marry for money but I also want someone who can take of himself.
I measure success by accomplishment not material possessions.
I respect people who stand up for what they believe in
I despise drugs
I despise people who do drugs
I do not understand addictions of any kind- my God is stonger than any addiction!
I think we all have the chance to succeed in life- it just takes the initiative to do it!
I am a Christian and I am very spiritual about my beliefs.
I would love to travel to Italy, France and New York
I love art museums
I love the lake
I love to travel
I love Colorado
I love movies- of all kinds
I could not survive without music
I play silly with my children and we thrive on using our imagination
I do not have a TV in my living room- its bad for your brain- that's what I tell my children
I collect books- I have thousands
I collect art
I love to laugh by myself, with friends and especially with my kiddos
I am a "soccer mom", I coach my daughter's cheer squad and soccer team and I never miss a game or practice for either of my children's sports. I am always there with the camcorder and camera!
I love to decorate and buy things for my house from Thrift Store- random items!
I love to take pictures of any and everything
I love having intellectually stimulating conversations with people.
I love to dance
I love being sent flowers, cards or nice notes
I love love
I love someone who is simple
I do not like dramaI do not gossip- if they talk about other with you- they will talk about you to others- remember that! I have a soft heart for special needs childrenI love love babies! I could never own enough pairs of shoesI love to shop with my daughterI am a leader- I love to orgainze events and do fundraisers of any kind! I am very independent! I think my son will be the next Jim Carrey- seriously!
I have a merciful heart- I was the girl who snuck my own clothes to school in first grade and put them in the backpack of the girl who wore the same sometmes dirty clothes to school time and again- and that really made me sad for her! I can't stand mean people
I could never sing in public
My sister is my best friend
and last but not least-
I AM ME and proud of it!

JULY 19, 2006 "YEAH GIRL!!!"

Wednesday, July 19, 2006
"YEAH GIRL" Category: Life
My kids went to BIG SPLASH yesterday with my lil sis, Whitney, and she told me one the cutest story I have yet to hear about my daughter! In the kiddy pool area there is a big turtle for kids to climb on and slide down. Mady had been wanting to do it all day but Whit was scared for her since she is only 4. But when they were getting ready to leave, Whit let her. She said Mady slid down that turtle and went under for a second and stood up put her hand on one hip and pointed her finger in the air and yelled "YEAH GIRL" Whit said everyone around there starting laughing and clapping!! THAT WOULD BE MY DAUGHTER- Thanks! I just wish I could have been there to see it- sometimes it is hard being a working single mother! I hate missing out on things like that!

JULY 17, 2006 I AM IN LOVE!!!

Monday, July 17, 2006
I AM IN LOVE!!!!!! Current mood: happy
I picked the kids up from their dad yesterday and I was so so so glad and happy to see them!!!
Last night I laid there between them and just absorbed the love that I share with my kids- they are my life!! I worship them- they are everything to me and I am so so so thankful to have them in my life!!! When I really sit back and think about my kids and what a blessing they are to my life- it is overwhelming and I tear up. They are precious, sweet, kind, hularious, talented and beautiful kids and my world would be so incomplete without them in it.
I know many people are scared to be alone and spend so much of their time "looking" for the right man. The way I look at it- I have kind, caring, loving little boy to love me and a sweet, precious, funny little girl to love me- who needs more than that????
I am in love with my children- what more could I ask for???

JUNE 23, 2006 "PROUD PARENT MOMENT"

Friday, June 23, 2006
PROUD PARENT MOMENT.....
Even though I thoroughly enjoyed watching Mady graduate from JOY Preschool this Spring and watching Dax get his "Kindergarten Diploma" from Mrs. Jech (Just like I did when I was 6), some proud parent moments far exceed others and last night----was one of them!!!
AS most of you know that read my blog, this is Daxon's first year of Baseball! He is on the same team as Brooke's son, Gage. They play for the Skiatook FIREBALLS! They finished the Season 14-1. This week has been their league tournament- a big deal! We won the first night, then lost the second night- sad :(
Then last night we had to win both games to stay in the tournament. We won the first game and played the Skiatook Braves the second game for a playoff position for 1st, 2nd or 3rd. The game was awesome!!! Daxon stopped all the balls that came to him and he hit good!
At the bottom of the last inning the Braves were ahead by 4 points so we needed to score 5 runs to win! There was one out.....bases were loaded.....Gage, Brooke's son, HITS A GRAND SLAM!!! The game is tied. Then Braydon hits a homerun and the SKIATOOK FIREBALLS WIN AND OFF TO PLAYOFFS WE GO!!! YEAH!!!
DAxon was so proud that they won!!! Brooke and I were screaming and near tears! It was such a proud moment! All the hard work, hot practices, late night games, money and dedication- finally paying off!!! What a great first year of Baseball for Dax- he loves it and wants to play this Fall and next Spring- I am so proud of him and his team!!!
SO tonight we play at 6:00, if we win, we play for first or second!!! We are the only Skiatook team left in the league- what an accomplishment!

JUNE 12, 2006 BACK FROM THE CARIBBEAN CRUISE!!!

Monday, June 12, 2006
Back from the CRUISE & MEXICO......
SO I am back to reality today, in Oklahoma, at work and its raining!! YUCK!!!
I just want to say that the 7 day cruise to Cozumel, Mexico and Progresso, Yucatan was phenomonal!!! I went scuba diving in Cozumel, layed out on Playa Mia beach in Cozumel and went on the "banana" at the beach in Progresso.......it was fun!!! I almost chickened out of the scuba diving but decided that since I already paid $160 to do it and might not get the chance to do it again soon.....darn it I was going to take a risk and just do it!!! NOW I am so ready to do it again and again!!! I got to touch the corral, see all the neat looking fish and believe me I was constantly looking over my shoulder for JAWS.....no worries though I did not see a fish over 6 inches long.....SIGH!!!
The cruise ship was crazy, drunk teenagers everywhere and all the food you could eat 24 hours a day....wow!! My favorite part was getting dressed up for dinner every night, I am all about that!!! Oh and of course the cosmetics section in the Galleria Shop- Lancome and Estee Lauder- DUTY AND TAX FREE- Oh yes I stocked up!!! I got a great tan and I am soaking in lotion to prevent it from peeling away!! And believe me- on the cruise ship- there were bikinis of all shapes and sizes, it was crazy!!! Some people seriously have no shame, either that or their mirror is broke...me on the other hand....I know what having two kids did to my body and the bikini days are over for me, I stick strictly to the tankini's and I am proud of it!!!
Well I will be posting pics soon of my adventures and good times!!!
For now I will just dream of the ocean and the beach and get back to reality at my desk here in the big town of Tulsa, Oklahoma!!!

FRIDAY MAY 26, 2006 "OF COURSE IT IS MOM!"

Friday, May 26, 2006
"Of course it is, mom"
I believe I have mentioned several times before how overly clever my 3 year old daughter is BUT really, she just is too clever and a little smarty pants for being only 3, it scares me!!!
SO yesterday morning I took my kids to meet my mom in Tulsa before I went to work and we were listening to the radio!! Well that raggae sounding song "Temperature" came on, and I changed it because frankly, they play the song too much and its getting old!!
When I did my daughter got so upset and shouted that I had just changed "her most favorite song in the world". A few minutes later I changed it back and the song was over and I told her I was sorry that the song was over.....and she says with all the assertiveness in the world "OF COURSE IT IS, MOM, BECAUSE YOU CHANGED IT!!!" and she was mad the entire way to Tulsa.
Daughters.....what I can say....I think I am paying for my raising with her, that is for certain!!!

FRIDAY MAY 26, 2006 "MOM I KNOW JESUS IS REAL"

Friday, May 26, 2006
"Mom, I know Jesus is real"
okay....so most things I love to write about revolve around my children and I suppose this is because they are just so stinking funny!!!
My son Daxon is playing baseball this year and his team is #1 in the league right now and he is pumped about it!!!
The other night they won their 9th game in a row and on the way home he said he knew that Jesus was real and I replied, of course he is real. Then he says, "you want to know why I know that Jesus is real?" and I said "sure" and he says, "because when another team starts scoring points and a kid gets up to bat I pray, 'Oh Lord Jesus please let this kid strike out' and everytime I do, the kid strikes out"............HOW FUNNY IS THAT!!!
I can just see him in left field with his hand son kness, ball cap on, ball glove on, and just praying away!!! I always wondered why he didn't pay attention out there- now I know- he is too busy PRAYING!!!
The "Lord Jesus" part really cracked me up!! I think he has heard that way too many times!!
TO end this blog- I have to add-
GO SKIATOOK FIREBALLS!!!!

TUESDAY MAY 9, 2006 "WORKING OR WORKING OUT"

Tuesday, May 09, 2006
"Working or Working Out"
Okay, we all desire to have children who are clever, quick witted, smart, outgoing, athletic and beautiful....but what if the clever part is a little too prominent in one child???
That is certainly the case with my 3 year old daughter, Mady, she picks up on any and everything and just states her opinion and synopsis on things 24/7. She pretty much runs our house and she pretty much knows it as well!!
The other day a friend of mine, a stay at home mom, saw Mady at school and asked her what I had been up to.....Mady's reply.....as she shrugs, rolls her eyes, crosses her arms and says with all the power in the world....."Oh my mom, she is so busy, she is either working and working out....all the time, I'm sick of it". YES!!! SHE IS ONLY 3!!!!
So today I run into this mom while dropping Mady off at JOY Preschool and she asks me how work has been going and I tell her how busy I have been and she said she assumed so because Mady had informed everyone how I work all the time or workout all the time and she told me what Mady had said!!
Not only was I shocked at how Mady felt about my working all the time and spending some time in the evening at the gym (now that I work I cant workout during the day like I used to while the kids were at school) but the fact that she has the ability to express her irritation with the change in my schedule!!
So I guess my point is that we might (or shall I say I) might want to rethink all that we wish for in a child, being too smart, means they pick up on your hectic life and are not afraid to voice their opinions about it!!
But I always said I wanted a daughter who would stand up for herself and tell people how she felt, so I guess I got what I wanted, we will see what the future produces for her, maybe she will be an attorney!!

May 3, 2006 I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! I AM FINISHED!! GOODBYE SCHOOL, HELLO WORLD!!!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006
I DID IT!!!! I DID IT!!! I AM FINISHED!!! GOODBYE SCHOOL, HELLO WORLD!!!
My letter reads............
"Dear Ashley, Congratulations. Your capstone project has been accepted by the Capstone Committee. The Committee was particularly impressed with the following:
- Well-written paper
- Strong display of the importance of the arts and management skills and the connection to your own personal identity and growth through lived experiences.
Congratulations again on your successful completion of this process.
Sincerely,
The Capstone Committee"
So about one million pounds have now been lifted off my shoulders!!! Look out world- here I come- degree in hand....finally, after all these years of hardwork, sleepless nights, raising kids, meeting deadlines, writing reports, reading textbooks and paper and after paper and numbers after numbers after numbers- I AM FINISHED!!!!
SIGH!!!!!!!!!!

April 14, 2006 WHAT IS ART??!!??!!??

Friday, April 14, 2006
WHAT IS ART???!!!???!!! Current mood: confused
WHAT IS ART???
So that is the question that lies herein. After seven rather lengthy but enlightening years of getting my college eduation I am ultimately stuck with this question. I am taking Art Theory I and Western Art History 1400-Present this semester and these two classes have my head spinning!! All the questions and so many answers!! I mean with Construction Management- it is cut and dry- the nubmers make the rules- not people!!!
I have loved most of the classes but this semester, with the completion of my Senior Capstone Project, I find myself searching ever more critically for the answer to the question of what makes ART art???
I respect and enjoy reading the arguments and theories of Various 20th century Artists such as Henri Matisse who said in 1931 , "What I dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity", I also admire the works of Claes Oldenburg who in 1961 said, "I am for art that embroils itself with the everyday crap & still comes out on top", Most recently I fell in love with sayings of Jasper John in his interview with David Sylvester in 1965, he said, "I think that one wants from painting a sense of life. The final suggestion, the final statement, has to be not a deliberate statement but a helpless statement". Then there is the deep thinking artist Wassily Kandinsky who said, ""When religion, science, and morality are shaken [...], when the external supports threaten to collapse, then man's gaze turns away from the external toward himself." Kandinsky focuses his theory on the link between art and man's soul. He also created his own Color Theory that suggests that each separate color has a significant and profound impact on man and man's emotions.
The entire modern art era suggests that the meaning of art lies in the eyes of the beholder. It is not the painter but the viewer who interprets what an artwork really means.
With that I am at a loss. I have always been a huge fan of Renaissance Painters and of course, the works of Michelangelo, specifically The Sistine Chapel. WIth the new Modern Art movement and the arguments I mentioned above, I find myself moving away from the Renaissance way of thinking and embracing the new Modern way of thinking and perceiving art and the artists that define this era.
I will go as far to suggest that trash can be art- because in a way trash can impact one's emotion- usually in a vulger way- but it is still thought and emotion provoking- am I right to feel this way or am I just caught up in the ways of the Pop and Modern Art movement......that is the question of the day????